MIND YOUR LANGUAGE !!!!!!!!!!
Have been disgustingly disappointed after reading all the early articles,in the recently introduced column Wicked Word,in the WEEK,by V S Jayaschandran( Coming and Groins,THE WEEK,Feb 22,2009)
I am fully aware,that the reader is more open minded today,and doesn't mind a few four or three letter words here and there,but a column,contentratining only on those words is really unwarranted and absurd!Shabha De's Sexes ,was often naughty,but was relevant to current affairs.The newly introduced Wicked Words,may be tougher to write,and may involve a fair amount of research in English Language and literature,and may even be judged a better work of the pen,but it generally makes no sense except the jamboree of few phrases,laced with the use of generally unusable words!
Its usage is akin to the sizzling item numbers of La Maliika Sherawat et al thrown in movies,for cheap popularity,and not even to the classier ones of Mallika Arora.These articles may be adding a little spice to the reading material,but it doesn't befit a reputed family magazine like THE WEEK !
Sanjay Lucknow
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
WHY BLAME DOCs ALONE
WHY ONLY DOCs !!!!!!
It was doubly sad to read the article 10 Common Most Medical Mistakes (India today,Feb 16,2009) ,firstly because it highlighted the faux pas of my profession,and secondly or rather more intensely,since all the blame was put on the fragile shoulders of the Doctors!
In spite of being a very ardent believer and preacher of the principle,that every doctor should respect the faith ,that the patient,imposes on him or her,specially in a surgeon,in handing over one self,in a state of anesthesia to be cut(operated) ,I cannot resist but put forward my views ,to defend the doctors.
We should all understand that,the doctor is,just a very small part of any medical set-up,be it private or government,and is often as helpless and harassed as the patient,if not more,by the system.Long queue,nonavailabilty of drugs,non functioning equipment,inadequate and inefficient para medical staff,improper care by nursing staff,waiting lists for surgery and bed crunch,are all well beyond most of the doctors,most of the times.
Leaving an instrument inside the body,during surgery,removing the wrong organ and at times prescribing wrong medicine,are mistakes,that should not happen by anyone,but as human as a doctor can be,they do happen,in spite of all checks for prevention,like any other mistakes that occur in any filed be it engineering,marine or driving! We are human too,and liable to err,though we should try our level best to avoid such unwanted mishaps.
Doctors are there for providing medical help,but they have never claimed to be and are not Magicians! If your lifestyles swings from one end of overexertion to a totally mechanical and sedentary life leading to severe bodyache,or if the stress of your life turns you into an insomniac,the doctor has no alternative but to repeatedly prescribe pain killers and sedatives,even if you become an addict,specially if you are not willing to change your lifestyle.The Doctor can advice,but cannot,exercise,diet or change a lifestyle for you,even if you can afford a personal phycian for yourself !
Doctors are as human as anyone else,and hence besides having all the human follies,have desires and ambitions and commitments too.If a 20 year old undergraduate,with just a 3-6 months on the job training,can charge 200-300 rupees just to look up a TV,comp or a washing machine,why cant a 35 year old post graduate specialist charge a fee of Rs 500?Life of a pilot is tough,but there is no profession which is more taxing ,in physical,mental,emotional and financial stress,as medicine, and an average doctor is minimum ten years behind his counterparts in any field,in terms of designation,earning and comfort.And most of the doctors do not earn as much as most people think they do,and the earning is definitely less than,the others at that age and stage,in any other career.
Medicine is a noble profession,and we all respect the faith of the patients in us,and though we must all ensure to avoid any situation that may endanger the life of a patient or worsen the condition,we need a little more compassion from the clientele ,in recognition of the stress under which a doctor works normally,and at least of a common man,who wants to earn a living and can err too!
Dr Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow
Saturday, February 14, 2009
CYBER_RELATIONSHIPS
The world seems to be overreacting to Cyber-relationships
Being naughty and glad-eye is normal human nature. Flirting or even sex-chatting is not infidility,The spouses, mainly wives are just getting scared due to insecurity, Every individual, married or single has right to his of her emotional, romantic and sexual fantacies.The last two of these will normally not have the spouse in it, Net gives an outlet to these fantasies. It’s as harmless as watching or reading pornography.
Net cannot be blamed for extramarital affairs, as persons inclined to it, will indulge in it, irrespective of net-sex.
People indulging in net-chat to any extent, can be sincere spouses and those not practicing it, are not above infidelity.
So. spouses crying and worrying over the fear of loosing their life partners to the net-freind, should rather try to bring life into their partner’s fantasies.
And the bottom line is that every person has a right to his or her private friend life, in life or on net. The extent however to be within the social norms and acceptance by the spouse depends on the faith in the relationship
Sanjay
Being naughty and glad-eye is normal human nature. Flirting or even sex-chatting is not infidility,The spouses, mainly wives are just getting scared due to insecurity, Every individual, married or single has right to his of her emotional, romantic and sexual fantacies.The last two of these will normally not have the spouse in it, Net gives an outlet to these fantasies. It’s as harmless as watching or reading pornography.
Net cannot be blamed for extramarital affairs, as persons inclined to it, will indulge in it, irrespective of net-sex.
People indulging in net-chat to any extent, can be sincere spouses and those not practicing it, are not above infidelity.
So. spouses crying and worrying over the fear of loosing their life partners to the net-freind, should rather try to bring life into their partner’s fantasies.
And the bottom line is that every person has a right to his or her private friend life, in life or on net. The extent however to be within the social norms and acceptance by the spouse depends on the faith in the relationship
Sanjay
Friday, February 13, 2009
VALENTINE'S DAY
THE STORY OF VALENTINE'S DAY
Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint — is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.
One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl — who may have been his jailor's daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.
While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial — which probably occurred around 270 A.D — others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification.
The boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed. Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February — Valentine's Day — should be a day for romance. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England. Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.
In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.
According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.)
Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.
Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum. The first commercial Valentine's Day greeting cards produced in the U.S. were created in the 1840s by Esther A. Howland. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap".
Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint — is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.
One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl — who may have been his jailor's daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.
While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial — which probably occurred around 270 A.D — others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification.
The boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed. Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February — Valentine's Day — should be a day for romance. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England. Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.
In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.
According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.)
Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.
Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum. The first commercial Valentine's Day greeting cards produced in the U.S. were created in the 1840s by Esther A. Howland. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap".
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
NET PALS
THE SHOUT OF THE INNERSELF
Chatting,netpals and now blogging are sequential progression of the same phenomenon-reaching out and fighting inner loneliness,and they are here to stay.There are several reasons and aspects to these
Human mind is much more complex than it appears and even a simple soul can have innumerable thoughts within the mind that even the closest cannot read.Each person has innumerable desires,fantasies and imaginations,some good,some bad and some ugly,and bound by the norms of family,upbringing,education and society,most of these are kept well within.
But most of us today,want our real self to breathe,and come out,and are desperate to give went to our feelings and be our normal selves.Net is the best platform
In today's time ,when time is always at premium and distances killing,Net provides the best opportunity for global interaction with innumerable people without any pretences and any fears of rejection.Net is above the shams of social strata's and the battle of one-up-manship.It can be the best punching bag and the biggest stress buster
Net,netpaling,chatting and blogging can be very educative too and are above the problems of status maintenance and the shams of socializing
These are the shouts of the innerself and the warning to the parents,society and the self imposed guardians of morality that the rigid and narrow vision needs an intersection and an awakening
Dr Sanjay Kapoor
Chatting,netpals and now blogging are sequential progression of the same phenomenon-reaching out and fighting inner loneliness,and they are here to stay.There are several reasons and aspects to these
Human mind is much more complex than it appears and even a simple soul can have innumerable thoughts within the mind that even the closest cannot read.Each person has innumerable desires,fantasies and imaginations,some good,some bad and some ugly,and bound by the norms of family,upbringing,education and society,most of these are kept well within.
But most of us today,want our real self to breathe,and come out,and are desperate to give went to our feelings and be our normal selves.Net is the best platform
In today's time ,when time is always at premium and distances killing,Net provides the best opportunity for global interaction with innumerable people without any pretences and any fears of rejection.Net is above the shams of social strata's and the battle of one-up-manship.It can be the best punching bag and the biggest stress buster
Net,netpaling,chatting and blogging can be very educative too and are above the problems of status maintenance and the shams of socializing
These are the shouts of the innerself and the warning to the parents,society and the self imposed guardians of morality that the rigid and narrow vision needs an intersection and an awakening
Dr Sanjay Kapoor
Sunday, February 8, 2009
WHO SHOULD GOVERN US ?
WE SHOULD DECIDE ?
I am a great fan of democracy,in politics and in life,but cant resist from wondering if there should be a QR (minimum Qualification Requirement) for those who are to govern us !
There was so much controversy recently about Sanjay Dutt,mainly as to from which party he should contest,from where and against whom.But the most important issue is that is he qualified enough to contest Lok Sabha Elections and will he be able to govern us! Is popularity the only qualification? and can notoriety be a substitute to the popularity??
We have innumerable examples of shameful.selection of candidates,including those who succeeded and came to power.Many of these rose from anonymity or infamy and rose to become the ones to walk the corridorsof power,adorn the thrones and to go ahead and govern us!Rabri Devi and Phoolen Devi,are glaring examples of such incompetent and in famous candidates respectively, in the past,whose only name to fame,and to win the ticket to power ,was the ploy of the king (or queen) makers to exploit cheap popularity!Ms Irani,of Tulsi fame was another ,where BJP,tried to encash on her screen popularity! I have omitted the name of the present head of the state,the power lady,appointed by the most powerful lady of the country,because her disqualification is only partial anonymity at the national level,before she came to power,and because she is adorning a decorative and more of a ceremonic appointment! I have also omitted those who have come to power with criminal records,because all in politics are manipulators and breakers of law,unless proved otherwise,for personal causes or for the party!
Democracy,is a rule,by the people,of the people,and for the people! And I am not against the uneducated ,the ladies,or even the unknown to take apart in it.Their active participation at the panchayat ,gram and block level,has to be appreciated and encouraged! Nor am I against the cine stars to participate in politics.they too are citizens of the country and have all right to be a part of the democracy!And we have some very powerful politicians in the past and in the present,more from the south,with a background from Indian film Industry,and some stars have done well not only as social activists but even as Rajya Sabha members.But cheap popularity should not be the only qualification for any one,not only to enter politics,but that too of Lok Sabha,which means becoming an active part of the government!
Leave alone the appointment for an executive,or a manager or a professor,which are high and strict,there are stringent minimum qualifications required even for peons and sweepers! Then why cant the Election Commission lay down some basic minimal educational and experience requirement to contest for a Lok Sabha seat.The pathetic scenario reminds me of a true incident.A freshly appointed,such a minister,tasked his secretary on his first day,to find a suitable job,for his eight standard failed,nephew.After a month and several reminders,he admonished his secretary with threats of firing him,for not complying with his instructions ! The Secretary humbly ,relied"Sir,the only job,for which he qualifies,in our Department,is your chair!! Its a real shame that the world's one of the largest and powerful Democracy,has reached such a pitiable state.
Giving tickets, to Sanjay Dutt and many such,undeserving ,unqualified,in famous and anonymous candidates in the name of democracy, is the biggest insult and mockery of democracy,and it we the citizens of our dear country who have to exercise out right to vote,to keep such people away from politics and to choose whom we want to govern us !
Col S Kapoor VSM
I am a great fan of democracy,in politics and in life,but cant resist from wondering if there should be a QR (minimum Qualification Requirement) for those who are to govern us !
There was so much controversy recently about Sanjay Dutt,mainly as to from which party he should contest,from where and against whom.But the most important issue is that is he qualified enough to contest Lok Sabha Elections and will he be able to govern us! Is popularity the only qualification? and can notoriety be a substitute to the popularity??
We have innumerable examples of shameful.selection of candidates,including those who succeeded and came to power.Many of these rose from anonymity or infamy and rose to become the ones to walk the corridorsof power,adorn the thrones and to go ahead and govern us!Rabri Devi and Phoolen Devi,are glaring examples of such incompetent and in famous candidates respectively, in the past,whose only name to fame,and to win the ticket to power ,was the ploy of the king (or queen) makers to exploit cheap popularity!Ms Irani,of Tulsi fame was another ,where BJP,tried to encash on her screen popularity! I have omitted the name of the present head of the state,the power lady,appointed by the most powerful lady of the country,because her disqualification is only partial anonymity at the national level,before she came to power,and because she is adorning a decorative and more of a ceremonic appointment! I have also omitted those who have come to power with criminal records,because all in politics are manipulators and breakers of law,unless proved otherwise,for personal causes or for the party!
Democracy,is a rule,by the people,of the people,and for the people! And I am not against the uneducated ,the ladies,or even the unknown to take apart in it.Their active participation at the panchayat ,gram and block level,has to be appreciated and encouraged! Nor am I against the cine stars to participate in politics.they too are citizens of the country and have all right to be a part of the democracy!And we have some very powerful politicians in the past and in the present,more from the south,with a background from Indian film Industry,and some stars have done well not only as social activists but even as Rajya Sabha members.But cheap popularity should not be the only qualification for any one,not only to enter politics,but that too of Lok Sabha,which means becoming an active part of the government!
Leave alone the appointment for an executive,or a manager or a professor,which are high and strict,there are stringent minimum qualifications required even for peons and sweepers! Then why cant the Election Commission lay down some basic minimal educational and experience requirement to contest for a Lok Sabha seat.The pathetic scenario reminds me of a true incident.A freshly appointed,such a minister,tasked his secretary on his first day,to find a suitable job,for his eight standard failed,nephew.After a month and several reminders,he admonished his secretary with threats of firing him,for not complying with his instructions ! The Secretary humbly ,relied"Sir,the only job,for which he qualifies,in our Department,is your chair!! Its a real shame that the world's one of the largest and powerful Democracy,has reached such a pitiable state.
Giving tickets, to Sanjay Dutt and many such,undeserving ,unqualified,in famous and anonymous candidates in the name of democracy, is the biggest insult and mockery of democracy,and it we the citizens of our dear country who have to exercise out right to vote,to keep such people away from politics and to choose whom we want to govern us !
Col S Kapoor VSM
Saturday, February 7, 2009
GAY MOVEMENT IN INDIA
Long way to go !!!!!!!!!!!
Its a bit too early to celebrate the cause of gays and lesbians in attaining an identity in India.
The recent Gay Parades held at Delhi and Mumbai,in quicksuccesion,were successful ,but not as it was expected
It had more of fanfare than the cause,and this is the fear for such events in future too.
The cause of creating an awareness about the rights of gays,should not get diluted by the glamour show !
The battle should not become more important than the goal !!
The Gay parade should not become carnivals and above all the darkness around the gays should not get overshadowed by the presence of glitterati!!!!
The biggest surprise is to see that Homosexuals(gays) and transsexuals(Hijras) are clubbed together as MSM(men having sex with men) but the fact is that these two are two separate groups and have different problems.While the homosexuals need just an identity to their sexuality,the transsexuals needs an identity to their every existence!
Hijras are physically and anatomically different,and have no alternative but to have sex with men,and most get into the flesh trade,out of desperation,to earn a living.Their problem is an identity and they have to be brought to the main stream line,with opportunities for education and jobs and above all inclusion in the society as common citizen,with ration cards,voters identity etc.Its high time the application forms for everything ,has three squares under the sex column,M/F/T
The homosexuals on the other hand are fightening for an identity and acceptance of their sexuality,but the sexuality of a person cannot be his only identity.Gays are present everywhere,be it Delhi,Kolkuta,Mumbai or any place of the country,and are found in all strata of the society somewhere hidden and somewhere exposed.Homosexuals are seen in all spheres of life now,in colleges and at work,and many of them are doing very well in their fields of work,and are recognized well,nationally and even internationally.What they are fighting for,is the law to accept their sexuality as legal.
In spite of the recent encouraging remarks towards this,from the health minister,this may be a distant dream,and actually it is not the first but the last step in the battle of gays for their struggle for a receptacle existence
The aim should not just be of unmasking the sexuality,but to achieve acceptance.
The violent reactions to gay movements and activities ,may have decreased or even ceased but these are no indicators to their social acceptance.
It is the families and society which has to accept them.They have to realize that these are just variants of sexuality,and not perversions ,and in majority of cases ,the attitude is genetically decided,and is well beyond the control of the individual.
and above all it is the gays who have to accept themselves,and come forward to live their lives at their terms,as any other responsible citizen of the country,rather than making their sexuality as their identity and the main bone of contention
S Kapoor Lucknow
Its a bit too early to celebrate the cause of gays and lesbians in attaining an identity in India.
The recent Gay Parades held at Delhi and Mumbai,in quicksuccesion,were successful ,but not as it was expected
It had more of fanfare than the cause,and this is the fear for such events in future too.
The cause of creating an awareness about the rights of gays,should not get diluted by the glamour show !
The battle should not become more important than the goal !!
The Gay parade should not become carnivals and above all the darkness around the gays should not get overshadowed by the presence of glitterati!!!!
The biggest surprise is to see that Homosexuals(gays) and transsexuals(Hijras) are clubbed together as MSM(men having sex with men) but the fact is that these two are two separate groups and have different problems.While the homosexuals need just an identity to their sexuality,the transsexuals needs an identity to their every existence!
Hijras are physically and anatomically different,and have no alternative but to have sex with men,and most get into the flesh trade,out of desperation,to earn a living.Their problem is an identity and they have to be brought to the main stream line,with opportunities for education and jobs and above all inclusion in the society as common citizen,with ration cards,voters identity etc.Its high time the application forms for everything ,has three squares under the sex column,M/F/T
The homosexuals on the other hand are fightening for an identity and acceptance of their sexuality,but the sexuality of a person cannot be his only identity.Gays are present everywhere,be it Delhi,Kolkuta,Mumbai or any place of the country,and are found in all strata of the society somewhere hidden and somewhere exposed.Homosexuals are seen in all spheres of life now,in colleges and at work,and many of them are doing very well in their fields of work,and are recognized well,nationally and even internationally.What they are fighting for,is the law to accept their sexuality as legal.
In spite of the recent encouraging remarks towards this,from the health minister,this may be a distant dream,and actually it is not the first but the last step in the battle of gays for their struggle for a receptacle existence
The aim should not just be of unmasking the sexuality,but to achieve acceptance.
The violent reactions to gay movements and activities ,may have decreased or even ceased but these are no indicators to their social acceptance.
It is the families and society which has to accept them.They have to realize that these are just variants of sexuality,and not perversions ,and in majority of cases ,the attitude is genetically decided,and is well beyond the control of the individual.
and above all it is the gays who have to accept themselves,and come forward to live their lives at their terms,as any other responsible citizen of the country,rather than making their sexuality as their identity and the main bone of contention
S Kapoor Lucknow
Friday, February 6, 2009
KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF
KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF
Knowing yourself is the initial mandatory requirement,rather than loving oneself,before you love another
To love self or to love someone else,it is essential that one knows oneself well, The knowledge of our strengths,our weaknesses,our capability of adjustments,sharing, cooperation and our ability to accept the others is the basic reqirement to start any relationship, We must know the expectations we have,if any ,in that relationship and our limitations to go into a relationship with someone supirior or less privelaged than us,without getting complexed
For this interoception and spending time with oneself,analysing ones own views is a must. Loving oneself can follow but only after we know ourselves well and this should be done cautiously,Loving oneself without knowing self can be dangerous.Once we start loving ourselves then it becomes difficult to adjust in most relationships. We are then a bit difficult to accept veiws of others and even healthy critisism
Men are definately as emotional as women,if not more,and they should not hesitate in expressing it,Provided the expressed emotions are genuine, Fake emotions lead to fake relationships.Even fake and halfhearted acceptances and patchups can be dangerous for any relationship.Anger though a common emotion,should not be the only one to be expressed to show possevenesss or hurt
Know yourself,know the other and then get into a relationship. love will automatically follow, But let knowing self and other be a continuos process,Age,time circumstances and comitments keep changing every indivisual,and accepting these is essential for continuation of any healthy relationship
Sanjay Kapoor
Thursday, February 5, 2009
BREATHING SPACE
Commitment doesnt mean surrendering personalities
each of us are unique and have the right to live lives our way,within the norms of society and without depriving others of their rights or hurting dear and near ones
being differant does not mean being indifferant
we can luv each other without aping the person we luv
we need our breathing space
Sometimes we feel relationships are all about supporting each other in times of need. That's what friends and family are for, we think.But there are times when we go overboard in our expectations. We expect their lives to hinge on our feelings and opinions.For instance, you've been ill for a while now. Is it fair to expect your family and friends to do little other than rally around you? Would you deem it disloyal if they also had a life of their own? If they did enjoy an outing, a get together would you think badly of them? Your friend has done you a grave injustice. And obviously the relationship between you both has suffered. Would you expect your mutual friends to pick up cudgels on your behalf? And have nothing to do your erstwhile friend? Or worse, fight on your behalf?It is important to remember that every person is an individual in his or her own right and is entitled to an opinion.The best way to have a lasting relationship with anyone is to be realistic in your expectations. Be it your buddy, brother or betrothed, your sister, your spouse or your parents, every one of them is entitled to make a decision that might be different from your assessment of the situation.But it is important that you do not pass judgement harshly on them. Accept people the way they are. They have to lead their own lives. And, remember, you might well do the same in their place.Your enemy's friend is not your enemy. People who feel good when you feel bad are not villains. People aren't indifferent because they think different.Your relationships will thrive a lot better if only youlearn to live and let live.
sanjay
each of us are unique and have the right to live lives our way,within the norms of society and without depriving others of their rights or hurting dear and near ones
being differant does not mean being indifferant
we can luv each other without aping the person we luv
we need our breathing space
Sometimes we feel relationships are all about supporting each other in times of need. That's what friends and family are for, we think.But there are times when we go overboard in our expectations. We expect their lives to hinge on our feelings and opinions.For instance, you've been ill for a while now. Is it fair to expect your family and friends to do little other than rally around you? Would you deem it disloyal if they also had a life of their own? If they did enjoy an outing, a get together would you think badly of them? Your friend has done you a grave injustice. And obviously the relationship between you both has suffered. Would you expect your mutual friends to pick up cudgels on your behalf? And have nothing to do your erstwhile friend? Or worse, fight on your behalf?It is important to remember that every person is an individual in his or her own right and is entitled to an opinion.The best way to have a lasting relationship with anyone is to be realistic in your expectations. Be it your buddy, brother or betrothed, your sister, your spouse or your parents, every one of them is entitled to make a decision that might be different from your assessment of the situation.But it is important that you do not pass judgement harshly on them. Accept people the way they are. They have to lead their own lives. And, remember, you might well do the same in their place.Your enemy's friend is not your enemy. People who feel good when you feel bad are not villains. People aren't indifferent because they think different.Your relationships will thrive a lot better if only youlearn to live and let live.
sanjay
Sunday, February 1, 2009
LOVE
LOVE
Love may be undefined but it is thee supreme emotion
Its definition may wary from person to person and from time to time but it has remained the final destination of all relationships
Love is togetherness,companionship,freindship,acceptance,tolerance,adjustment and commitment.
Love is the best thing that can happen to a person,an experience which is sublime and eternal.
Love is beyond age,gender,class,religion or creed. It is beyond the manmade social and geographic boundaries
Love is a state where the mere thought of the loved one brings emmence pleasure
Love is complete in itself and needs no rules or promises
Love is erotic,sexy , orgasmic and the ultimate source of everlasting happiness
Love is life
Love may be undefined but it is thee supreme emotion
Its definition may wary from person to person and from time to time but it has remained the final destination of all relationships
Love is togetherness,companionship,freindship,acceptance,tolerance,adjustment and commitment.
Love is the best thing that can happen to a person,an experience which is sublime and eternal.
Love is beyond age,gender,class,religion or creed. It is beyond the manmade social and geographic boundaries
Love is a state where the mere thought of the loved one brings emmence pleasure
Love is complete in itself and needs no rules or promises
Love is erotic,sexy , orgasmic and the ultimate source of everlasting happiness
Love is life
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