THE MISUNDERSTOOD MALE !!!!!!!!!!!
Since the time of Adam and Eve,there have been certain misconceptions about the Men! The general image,on man has always that of a emotionless,ruthless,unromantic,insensitive and irresponsible human being,who loves to be left to himself,or with his male friends,to enjoy his sports and TV and hates going out,partying and shopping,who is having a ball of a time,in the family,at the cost of the women,and all that this sex-maniac expects from a woman is sex and more sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am extremely grateful to the Outlook( Oct 26,2008) for doing a cover story of the GENDER MYTHS,and in at least trying to partially break the harsh image of the male gender,in several aspects of life.
Men are very sensitive,caring and emotional,though the ways of expressing may be different and less obvious than the woman.And YES,men cry too! But they are judicious with their feelings and tears and save them for appropriate and deserving moments!!Forgetting dates,or not rattling the expected three worded 143s four times a day,does not make them unromantic.They have their subtle ways of expressing love and romance,which usually goes unnoticed by their better half,who lack the ability to read in between lines,and are deaf to the unsaid sweet nothings! But men are not just saintly goody-goody either.They love gossiping,bitching and even plotting!
Men don't dislike shopping,but they hate window shopping ! They would not only accompany women for shopping but actually enjoy meaningful shopping for the seasonal wardrobe for the entire family,gifts on festivals and occasions,and even the monthly grocery or the weekly poultry,but they actually hate mundane,compulsive shopping,specially if further poisoned with queuing for unrequited purchases at sales and involving futile haggling.
Men make better friends,with a meaningful bonding which can last for a life-time and love socializing too,but with people,they gel with.One thing that they cant do is small talk and mixing ,more for a social cause and would rather enjoy an intelligent interactive conversation,than a party full of pretentious page 3 celebrities.
Men are good home makers too,and generally contribute significantly in the running of the house by rendering all possible help to the working wife.They are undoubtedly as loving and doting a parent as the mother can be,and I wouldn't hesitate in adding that not only they contribution significantly in the upbringing a child,their role as a father is often more challenging than the mother,specially during the teens and the adulthood of the children.
With working women,being almost the norm,women are sharing a great deal of the financial load,but the man generally shoulders a bigger share of the stress and overall responsibility of creating a compatible and congenial balance between the work places,home,family and society and in the settlement and future of the kids
Lastly coming to the biggest accusation,that the man faces of being perpetually sex starved.I agree.men love sex.and enjoy it,and find it to be a great tension buster,but unlike the women they are man enough,to accept it openly.Woman need and enjoy sex,as much if not more and have their shares of desires,fantasies and even indulgence,but its just they want to keep it,within their heart,or max within the bedroom!
Men have been a misunderstood lot,and shall continue to be so,and after some time they just give up and stop worrying about their indifferent and in sensitive image or doing anything to change it.But on behalf of all the men,I would like to tell the ladies,that most husbands love their wives a hundred times more than what they can show or express and definitely a thousand time more than what the wives think !
Sanjay,Lucknow
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
ISOLATED MUSLIMS
Self Exile !!!!!!
The identity crisis being faced by the Muslims is quite apparent as the frustration is being reflected loudly(Under Siege,INDIA TODAY,Oct 20,2008),Using the word,marginalized,may be harsh,but they are definitely feeling isolated,but it is the Muslims themselves who are to be blamed for this.
This upsurge of polarization between the Muslims and the non-Muslims,is not very surprising.Religion has always been blamed and considered as the main cause of separatism,but the present trend of in India show more of a socio-economic divide as the route cause of the increasing isolation of the Muslims.It is a battle of the underprivileged against the rest of the country,and its just co-incidental that most of these happen to Muslims !
The story seems to have started more than five decades back,and is erupting now.Low socioeconomic status and lack of proper education lead to resorting to labor related jobs.The low income along with larger number of children compared to rest of the population,added to the crisis,leading to more mouths to be fed with less resources.This predictably,lead to further less education and early induction into jobs.The nature of education and inadequate qualifications,prevented the next generation from coming into the main stream with better jobs and elevation of social standards.This lead to a vicious cycle,poverty and lack of proper education,more children,early induction into low paying jobs leading to further poverty.
But no where can the Government or any religious group be blamed for this.While no active measures may have been taken to give reservations or create special job vacancies,there was no hindrance or reservations or discrimination against them for education or jobs either.If anything that can be blamed is their socio cultural and religious trends and beliefs that may have resulted in this wide contrast between the social status,job profiles,education and income of most of them and the majority of the rest of the progressing country.This self created disparity has lead to an frustration,which is erupting terrorism in an rage of anger
In their obsession for their religion and social customs and in their fanatic endeavors to maintain their social laws,the Muslims,failed to mingle with the common man in the country,and neglected all invitations to join the main stream.Parsis were a small group,and went the same way,and almost reached a stage of extinction,till they started breaking their socio-religious customs.Muslims have clung to their customs and beliefs so rigidly,that,it has interfered in their progress.They too, can embrace the national stream ,without neglecting their religious,social and cultural beliefs,as all other Indians belonging to diversified religions and beliefs have done.
The battle is not religious,but that of fanatics with a non progressive mindset against the common man and that of the vindictive terrorist against the peace loving citizen of the country
It is the Muslims themselves,who have resorted to a self-exile,and they themselves can end this isolation,by adopting the prevalent socio cultural norms of the country!
The identity crisis being faced by the Muslims is quite apparent as the frustration is being reflected loudly(Under Siege,INDIA TODAY,Oct 20,2008),Using the word,marginalized,may be harsh,but they are definitely feeling isolated,but it is the Muslims themselves who are to be blamed for this.
This upsurge of polarization between the Muslims and the non-Muslims,is not very surprising.Religion has always been blamed and considered as the main cause of separatism,but the present trend of in India show more of a socio-economic divide as the route cause of the increasing isolation of the Muslims.It is a battle of the underprivileged against the rest of the country,and its just co-incidental that most of these happen to Muslims !
The story seems to have started more than five decades back,and is erupting now.Low socioeconomic status and lack of proper education lead to resorting to labor related jobs.The low income along with larger number of children compared to rest of the population,added to the crisis,leading to more mouths to be fed with less resources.This predictably,lead to further less education and early induction into jobs.The nature of education and inadequate qualifications,prevented the next generation from coming into the main stream with better jobs and elevation of social standards.This lead to a vicious cycle,poverty and lack of proper education,more children,early induction into low paying jobs leading to further poverty.
But no where can the Government or any religious group be blamed for this.While no active measures may have been taken to give reservations or create special job vacancies,there was no hindrance or reservations or discrimination against them for education or jobs either.If anything that can be blamed is their socio cultural and religious trends and beliefs that may have resulted in this wide contrast between the social status,job profiles,education and income of most of them and the majority of the rest of the progressing country.This self created disparity has lead to an frustration,which is erupting terrorism in an rage of anger
In their obsession for their religion and social customs and in their fanatic endeavors to maintain their social laws,the Muslims,failed to mingle with the common man in the country,and neglected all invitations to join the main stream.Parsis were a small group,and went the same way,and almost reached a stage of extinction,till they started breaking their socio-religious customs.Muslims have clung to their customs and beliefs so rigidly,that,it has interfered in their progress.They too, can embrace the national stream ,without neglecting their religious,social and cultural beliefs,as all other Indians belonging to diversified religions and beliefs have done.
The battle is not religious,but that of fanatics with a non progressive mindset against the common man and that of the vindictive terrorist against the peace loving citizen of the country
It is the Muslims themselves,who have resorted to a self-exile,and they themselves can end this isolation,by adopting the prevalent socio cultural norms of the country!
CHANGING TRENDS IN CHILDREN
13 is 18 - To be treated as 21
I couldn't agree more with Abha Admas,when she says that kids at 13 are better informed,freer,more open to friendships,less intolerant and more environmentally and politically aware then yesterdays18-year-olds.You can say 13 is the new 18( Is 13 the new 18?OUTLOOK,Oct 20.2008)
But this premature entry into maturity,cannot be really rejoiced since it has not come free and is with a several drawbacks! The main reasons for a 13 year old child,behaving that of 18,has been the exposure to the TV,internet,the world in general and above all the changing attitude of elders specially the parents,who interact with the child more like an individual,than a kid who needs to be mastered and dealt with a distant strictness.
The children are entering adulthood,before time ,at the cost of their childhood and even teens at times.The child has lost out on the childhood pranks,outdoor games,story books,penpals,picnics,crafts,interactive creative activities and above all the innocence of a child-the times that will never come back again!
The improved general awareness however can be welcomed only temporarily,as in the long run it is the child who will be the loser.The loss is in the changed attitude towards,family,religion and the roots,changing inter and intra personal relationships and the vulnerability to a large spectrum of vices.And the etiology of this is the changed lifestyles and the attitude of parents.The nuclear family norm,spending long hours unattended,easy accessibility to net,almost pornographic music videos,TV serials and movies, inability of parents to spend enough time with the kids,easy availability of money and luxuries to kids,and premature grant of liberty to take decisions is worsening the situation.
The sanctity of a parent-child relationship has been undermined by the casualness of friendship,in a hurry to bridge the generation gap,without actual friendly and loving interaction.The generation gap has to be bridged,but not at the cost of respect of the parent.Parents are often just a comfort providing agency,functional at the gun point of emotional blackmail.My Dad is my ATM,is a cute but a realistic T-shirt slogan.Eating food with the family or even going out for a family outing is a big NO! NO!! Wearing traditional clothes,celebrating festivals,visits to temples,meeting relatives and talking of mythology or Indian culture are considered retro.
On the inter personal front,the child has forgotten bonding and co-operation.The jealousy,competition and comparison with peers has started at a very early age,with the child going out of his or her way to out do the other in every thing,and takes pride not only in flashing his gadgets,branded clothes and accessories,holiday trips,but even the appointments and achievements of parents.
The child of today has been hit worst,on the intrapersonal front.These kids are a different lot.They are brought up in the best possible manner,with all comforts,often beyond the status of the parents.The overindulgence from the parents,easy accessibility to all amenities and even luxuries,gives the child a false sense of security.Though they have great plans and ambitions,the child looses the drive to excel or to do something great in life.Many children are too rigid,non yielding and even arrogant.Above all the child is lonely,and learns to mask his or her real feelings and personality ,at a very early age,to suit what is the in-thing! The genuineness of a child is masked ,and there are several avenues for them to give went to their inner negative feelings and cravings,though the chat rooms and false identities on the sites like face-book.The help from net and the stress of studies,curbs creativity and the requirement of a fixed curriculum education,prohibits the child to excel or even indulge in arts and hobbies of choice.
Lastly,this child of 13,with an awareness of 18,is at risk of vices which are generally seen after the age of 21.Even at the tender age of 13,the child is vulnerable to stealing,smoking,drinking and even to drugs and experimental sex.If this was not enough,lack of fear and early shedding of childhood instincts,at times,even drive the teenager to unimaginable crimes like rape and murder or sexual exploitation and blackmail.
So,while we rejoice seeing our child of 13,excelling at the computer,as a 18 year old,we must watch our child,as if he or she was 21! What we as parents have to do,is to provide the child a supervised freedom and a constant interaction and probing,to get a feel of what is going on inside that tender mind and heart and to know the ambitions and dreams,to extend the help to achieve them and at the same time to recognize the fears and fallacies so that the timely appropriate measures can be taken to overcome them.The personality development is more important than the grades secured in examinations,and a major responsibility of this,lies on the parents!
This was however the story of the privileged child of the middle and upper class.We have another set of children too,who are 18,at 13,not due to their awareness of rock music or the competence in creating a webpage,but because they have been forced into child labor,due to circumstances,and may be earning bread for self and even family as,many don't do, even at 25,
I couldn't agree more with Abha Admas,when she says that kids at 13 are better informed,freer,more open to friendships,less intolerant and more environmentally and politically aware then yesterdays18-year-olds.You can say 13 is the new 18( Is 13 the new 18?OUTLOOK,Oct 20.2008)
But this premature entry into maturity,cannot be really rejoiced since it has not come free and is with a several drawbacks! The main reasons for a 13 year old child,behaving that of 18,has been the exposure to the TV,internet,the world in general and above all the changing attitude of elders specially the parents,who interact with the child more like an individual,than a kid who needs to be mastered and dealt with a distant strictness.
The children are entering adulthood,before time ,at the cost of their childhood and even teens at times.The child has lost out on the childhood pranks,outdoor games,story books,penpals,picnics,crafts,interactive creative activities and above all the innocence of a child-the times that will never come back again!
The improved general awareness however can be welcomed only temporarily,as in the long run it is the child who will be the loser.The loss is in the changed attitude towards,family,religion and the roots,changing inter and intra personal relationships and the vulnerability to a large spectrum of vices.And the etiology of this is the changed lifestyles and the attitude of parents.The nuclear family norm,spending long hours unattended,easy accessibility to net,almost pornographic music videos,TV serials and movies, inability of parents to spend enough time with the kids,easy availability of money and luxuries to kids,and premature grant of liberty to take decisions is worsening the situation.
The sanctity of a parent-child relationship has been undermined by the casualness of friendship,in a hurry to bridge the generation gap,without actual friendly and loving interaction.The generation gap has to be bridged,but not at the cost of respect of the parent.Parents are often just a comfort providing agency,functional at the gun point of emotional blackmail.My Dad is my ATM,is a cute but a realistic T-shirt slogan.Eating food with the family or even going out for a family outing is a big NO! NO!! Wearing traditional clothes,celebrating festivals,visits to temples,meeting relatives and talking of mythology or Indian culture are considered retro.
On the inter personal front,the child has forgotten bonding and co-operation.The jealousy,competition and comparison with peers has started at a very early age,with the child going out of his or her way to out do the other in every thing,and takes pride not only in flashing his gadgets,branded clothes and accessories,holiday trips,but even the appointments and achievements of parents.
The child of today has been hit worst,on the intrapersonal front.These kids are a different lot.They are brought up in the best possible manner,with all comforts,often beyond the status of the parents.The overindulgence from the parents,easy accessibility to all amenities and even luxuries,gives the child a false sense of security.Though they have great plans and ambitions,the child looses the drive to excel or to do something great in life.Many children are too rigid,non yielding and even arrogant.Above all the child is lonely,and learns to mask his or her real feelings and personality ,at a very early age,to suit what is the in-thing! The genuineness of a child is masked ,and there are several avenues for them to give went to their inner negative feelings and cravings,though the chat rooms and false identities on the sites like face-book.The help from net and the stress of studies,curbs creativity and the requirement of a fixed curriculum education,prohibits the child to excel or even indulge in arts and hobbies of choice.
Lastly,this child of 13,with an awareness of 18,is at risk of vices which are generally seen after the age of 21.Even at the tender age of 13,the child is vulnerable to stealing,smoking,drinking and even to drugs and experimental sex.If this was not enough,lack of fear and early shedding of childhood instincts,at times,even drive the teenager to unimaginable crimes like rape and murder or sexual exploitation and blackmail.
So,while we rejoice seeing our child of 13,excelling at the computer,as a 18 year old,we must watch our child,as if he or she was 21! What we as parents have to do,is to provide the child a supervised freedom and a constant interaction and probing,to get a feel of what is going on inside that tender mind and heart and to know the ambitions and dreams,to extend the help to achieve them and at the same time to recognize the fears and fallacies so that the timely appropriate measures can be taken to overcome them.The personality development is more important than the grades secured in examinations,and a major responsibility of this,lies on the parents!
This was however the story of the privileged child of the middle and upper class.We have another set of children too,who are 18,at 13,not due to their awareness of rock music or the competence in creating a webpage,but because they have been forced into child labor,due to circumstances,and may be earning bread for self and even family as,many don't do, even at 25,
Saturday, October 18, 2008
VIOLANCE IN ORRISA
UNRELIGIOUSLY RELIGIOUS
India is the one of the biggest democratic state in the world and probably the most religious too,with its religions being few of the oldest religions on this earth.But we are far from democratic or religious.The religious in tolerance being shown in the country at present is unimaginably deplorable( BOWSTRINGED,OUTLOOK,Oct 20,2008)
I may not be a very religious man,but I believe in God and I may have not read large number of scriptures of all the religions,but I know one thing for sure,that no religion advocates violence against mankind,and that too in the name of religion.
We proudly call our selves progressing,and the country moving fast to become a super power,but,no country can boast of either these,where a citizen does not have the right to choose or practice his or her religion freely.A land that cannot provide the safety and security to the lives of its citizen,from so called the saviors of religion,does not deserve to be called a secular or a democratic state.
The issue of mass conversions is complex,and a totally different debate.People motivating others to embrace a particular religion,may have their ways ,to charm the common man,and may be pardoned as long as they don't use force.And people resorting to conversion in India are mostly driven by poverty,and often have no other alternative.They too should be pardoned,as in a supposedly secular and democratic country they have the right to choose the religion they want to follow.
But people or agencies that cannot be pardoned are the Government and the socio-political and religious bodies who are resorting to the inhumanly violence against these converted people.The present tandav of violence,ranging from rape,arson to the killing of Christians in Orrisa and forcing them to convert back to their original religion is a total failure of governance.No such activity,at such a large scale,unabated,and for so long a duration,that can lead to deaths of hundreds and to make thousands homeless,be carried out,without the support of major political or religious groups or at least there delibrate ,deaf and blind attitude.In fact,a situation where,people are driven to a level of poverty,where they resort to conversions,is in it self , a major indicator of the total failure of the government.May the cries of the innocent people,break the deaf slumber of this impotent local and central government.
This in tolerance to religions and these massacres and violence in the name of God, are a matter of great shame for every political party and religious group of India,and all citizen of this country should put their heads down in shame at this in human and insane fanatism prevailing in our times!
Col Sanjay Kapoor VSM Lucknow
India is the one of the biggest democratic state in the world and probably the most religious too,with its religions being few of the oldest religions on this earth.But we are far from democratic or religious.The religious in tolerance being shown in the country at present is unimaginably deplorable( BOWSTRINGED,OUTLOOK,Oct 20,2008)
I may not be a very religious man,but I believe in God and I may have not read large number of scriptures of all the religions,but I know one thing for sure,that no religion advocates violence against mankind,and that too in the name of religion.
We proudly call our selves progressing,and the country moving fast to become a super power,but,no country can boast of either these,where a citizen does not have the right to choose or practice his or her religion freely.A land that cannot provide the safety and security to the lives of its citizen,from so called the saviors of religion,does not deserve to be called a secular or a democratic state.
The issue of mass conversions is complex,and a totally different debate.People motivating others to embrace a particular religion,may have their ways ,to charm the common man,and may be pardoned as long as they don't use force.And people resorting to conversion in India are mostly driven by poverty,and often have no other alternative.They too should be pardoned,as in a supposedly secular and democratic country they have the right to choose the religion they want to follow.
But people or agencies that cannot be pardoned are the Government and the socio-political and religious bodies who are resorting to the inhumanly violence against these converted people.The present tandav of violence,ranging from rape,arson to the killing of Christians in Orrisa and forcing them to convert back to their original religion is a total failure of governance.No such activity,at such a large scale,unabated,and for so long a duration,that can lead to deaths of hundreds and to make thousands homeless,be carried out,without the support of major political or religious groups or at least there delibrate ,deaf and blind attitude.In fact,a situation where,people are driven to a level of poverty,where they resort to conversions,is in it self , a major indicator of the total failure of the government.May the cries of the innocent people,break the deaf slumber of this impotent local and central government.
This in tolerance to religions and these massacres and violence in the name of God, are a matter of great shame for every political party and religious group of India,and all citizen of this country should put their heads down in shame at this in human and insane fanatism prevailing in our times!
Col Sanjay Kapoor VSM Lucknow
Friday, October 17, 2008
KARVA CHAUTH
Manjila Padmabhan really went overboard in her critism of Karva Chauth
She seems to have got carried away by her pro-liberated woman attitude ,to the extent of discussing this festival in the same breath with the deplorable rituals of sati and dowry deaths
To set a few doubts right,it is not a new festival but very old, and no husband has ever asked his wife for fasting for him.One day of fasting cannot be called starvation ,deprivation ,underprivileged etc.Husband join in ,with their wives,in celebrating the festival,and few even fast with their wives on this day as a mark of solidarity. Lastly,in today's health conscious times,when fasting once a week is popularly being followed , fasting once a year is hardly objectionable
Fasting , if it can be called sacrifice,is definitely not emotional blackmail, Its just another way of expressing love, and when there are days dedicated to everyone,father,mother,friend,children,boss,doctor and possibly everyone under the sky,then why such a hulla-bulla on a day being dedicated for the husband.Its just a sweet-nothing ,for the common women to express her love for her husband.Not many couples in India can even think of a sonyVAIO or an ostrich farm as gifts,as suggested by her.Wonder if giving such expensive gifts is really an expression of affection or love!
Its shocking that she has met just one person observing the festival,when it is quite popular ,specially in north India.To shock her further, I would like her to know the ladies also fast on Chhat,Kajri-teej and Nag-Panchmi for their husbands.Does she know that mothers fast for their children too,in India
.The day is the Indian Valentines day and is spent with so much of love,fervor,doting and closeness .The husband gives gifts to his wife who dresses in new clothes,as a bride,and in turn gives gifts to her mother-in-law for giving birth to her life-partner,a gesture that I find uniquely wonderful and thoughtful.
I recommend that next year she should spend a day with a new couple observing Karva Chauth .She may like to reconsider her opinion on it and realize that fasting on that one day together may be as romantic than a hearty candle-light dinner for two in a five-star-hotel on the remaining 364 days.
She seems to have got carried away by her pro-liberated woman attitude ,to the extent of discussing this festival in the same breath with the deplorable rituals of sati and dowry deaths
To set a few doubts right,it is not a new festival but very old, and no husband has ever asked his wife for fasting for him.One day of fasting cannot be called starvation ,deprivation ,underprivileged etc.Husband join in ,with their wives,in celebrating the festival,and few even fast with their wives on this day as a mark of solidarity. Lastly,in today's health conscious times,when fasting once a week is popularly being followed , fasting once a year is hardly objectionable
Fasting , if it can be called sacrifice,is definitely not emotional blackmail, Its just another way of expressing love, and when there are days dedicated to everyone,father,mother,friend,children,boss,doctor and possibly everyone under the sky,then why such a hulla-bulla on a day being dedicated for the husband.Its just a sweet-nothing ,for the common women to express her love for her husband.Not many couples in India can even think of a sonyVAIO or an ostrich farm as gifts,as suggested by her.Wonder if giving such expensive gifts is really an expression of affection or love!
Its shocking that she has met just one person observing the festival,when it is quite popular ,specially in north India.To shock her further, I would like her to know the ladies also fast on Chhat,Kajri-teej and Nag-Panchmi for their husbands.Does she know that mothers fast for their children too,in India
.The day is the Indian Valentines day and is spent with so much of love,fervor,doting and closeness .The husband gives gifts to his wife who dresses in new clothes,as a bride,and in turn gives gifts to her mother-in-law for giving birth to her life-partner,a gesture that I find uniquely wonderful and thoughtful.
I recommend that next year she should spend a day with a new couple observing Karva Chauth .She may like to reconsider her opinion on it and realize that fasting on that one day together may be as romantic than a hearty candle-light dinner for two in a five-star-hotel on the remaining 364 days.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
LIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS
DEBATE LIVE -IN
A Live-in relation can never replace marraige.Marraige has stood the test of time since time immorial,in all countries and all societies.It may have its draw-backs or failures but these are far too outnumbered by its benefits and succes.
Marraige gives permanancy to a relation,socail acceptance,a legal family and a life-long security.If unluckily these are not found,then one is always free to walk out of it.Social acceptance to a divorce is definately more than a live-in relationship.
The number of succesful and permanant live-in-relations is far too little compared to the soured marraiges.
Live-in relation may sound attractive initially as it has no hangups,but its life is short-lived .It can never have the ethos of a man-woman relationship in totality and is incomplete.Live -in is like living lifelong in a rented house, loving without love,sex without orgasm and living without life
Inspite of all the drugery,sham and broken dreams,marraige is still wonderful
S Kapoor Lucknow
A Live-in relation can never replace marraige.Marraige has stood the test of time since time immorial,in all countries and all societies.It may have its draw-backs or failures but these are far too outnumbered by its benefits and succes.
Marraige gives permanancy to a relation,socail acceptance,a legal family and a life-long security.If unluckily these are not found,then one is always free to walk out of it.Social acceptance to a divorce is definately more than a live-in relationship.
The number of succesful and permanant live-in-relations is far too little compared to the soured marraiges.
Live-in relation may sound attractive initially as it has no hangups,but its life is short-lived .It can never have the ethos of a man-woman relationship in totality and is incomplete.Live -in is like living lifelong in a rented house, loving without love,sex without orgasm and living without life
Inspite of all the drugery,sham and broken dreams,marraige is still wonderful
S Kapoor Lucknow
Saturday, October 11, 2008
BREATHING SPACE
Commitment doesn't mean surrendering personalities
each of us are unique and have the right to live lives our way,within the norms of society and without depriving others of their rights or hurting dear and near ones
being different does not mean being indifferent
we can luv each other without aping the person we luv
we need our breathing space
Sometimes we feel relationships are all about supporting each other in times of need. That's what friends and family are for, we think.But there are times when we go overboard in our expectations. We expect their lives to hinge on our feelings and opinions.For instance, you've been ill for a while now. Is it fair to expect your family and friends to do little other than rally around you? Would you deem it disloyal if they also had a life of their own? If they did enjoy an outing, a get together would you think badly of them? Your friend has done you a grave injustice. And obviously the relationship between you both has suffered. Would you expect your mutual friends to pick up cudgels on your behalf? And have nothing to do your erstwhile friend? Or worse, fight on your behalf?It is important to remember that every person is an individual in his or her own right and is entitled to an opinion.The best way to have a lasting relationship with anyone is to be realistic in your expectations. Be it your buddy, brother or betrothed, your sister, your spouse or your parents, every one of them is entitled to make a decision that might be different from your assessment of the situation.But it is important that you do not pass judgement harshly on them. Accept people the way they are. They have to lead their own lives. And, remember, you might well do the same in their place.Your enemy's friend is not your enemy. People who feel good when you feel bad are not villains. People aren't indifferent because they think different.Your relationships will thrive a lot better if only you learn to live and let live.
sanjay
each of us are unique and have the right to live lives our way,within the norms of society and without depriving others of their rights or hurting dear and near ones
being different does not mean being indifferent
we can luv each other without aping the person we luv
we need our breathing space
Sometimes we feel relationships are all about supporting each other in times of need. That's what friends and family are for, we think.But there are times when we go overboard in our expectations. We expect their lives to hinge on our feelings and opinions.For instance, you've been ill for a while now. Is it fair to expect your family and friends to do little other than rally around you? Would you deem it disloyal if they also had a life of their own? If they did enjoy an outing, a get together would you think badly of them? Your friend has done you a grave injustice. And obviously the relationship between you both has suffered. Would you expect your mutual friends to pick up cudgels on your behalf? And have nothing to do your erstwhile friend? Or worse, fight on your behalf?It is important to remember that every person is an individual in his or her own right and is entitled to an opinion.The best way to have a lasting relationship with anyone is to be realistic in your expectations. Be it your buddy, brother or betrothed, your sister, your spouse or your parents, every one of them is entitled to make a decision that might be different from your assessment of the situation.But it is important that you do not pass judgement harshly on them. Accept people the way they are. They have to lead their own lives. And, remember, you might well do the same in their place.Your enemy's friend is not your enemy. People who feel good when you feel bad are not villains. People aren't indifferent because they think different.Your relationships will thrive a lot better if only you learn to live and let live.
sanjay
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