MORNING

When I woke up today and looked out of the window...
I felt I didn't want to hold myself and go with the flow...
A little bird chirped from the window ledge sounding melodious...
Oblivious of the feeling inside my heart that made me curious

Beyond my window I saw the sky painted by a rainbow
Inside the window there were dew drops with a pearly glow
My finger touched the dew drops and they followed a trail
And my sobriety woke up beaming as if not to let me fail

A blooming flower caught my eye for it bounced golden sunshine
That brought a smile on my lips as dew drops were no lesser fine
Chirpy bird jumped on the ledge whistling the autumn song
Telling my conscience blossom of Spring is near and not too long

NEVER GIVE UP

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit

BROKEN APPOINTMENT WITH LOVE

Broken Appointments of Love . . . . .

When I approach Love, it buries itself in me.
So, I've decided to make it approach Me.
I'd rather play hide and seek with it!

I promised to Love many a time,
Later, I realized I made promises only to break them up.
I, then decided to make Love promises to me.
For Love's sake, I let not it break the promises!

I taught Love how to live broken-hearted.
It stayed longer to leave me forever.
I burnt myself in desire ---
Yet let it go away safe.

I walked on the wall of darkness,
Love made its journey to my soul,
I wonder I hardly noticed its pace,
Only discovered its essence in the silent music of darkness!

I thought, I drank the nectar of love to my heart,
But I sipped but a little!
I found myself entrapped with your eyes,
Even though I never dared ask you even just a kiss!

Love once whispered to my soul,
I was too busy then even to listen to it.
Long long afterwards, I heard its echo,
My heart treasured it, I felt like floating!
Our sweetest feelings always remain untouched, I realized.

I did mesmerize Love, its zeal.
Angels robbed it but once,
Again, it dropped like a star on the strand I stood.
How can Love be subdued? I made them bethink!

Love tried to veil your radiant eyes,
Even you remained behind the silken snare of your tresses.
How could pearls get concealed when oysters let not them do so?
Can water but turn to wine if I leave a kiss?

Love gave me leave to kiss, made me bold to woo,
Yet, how can daring fate be ignored? I wonder!
Elsewhere in other world, my soul dotes in solitude,
In the distant shore, you once dreamt to go.

The story of that distant bliss--couldn't but be gone with the wind,
Left me insane, just in the lap of eternity.
So obvious in hue, yet blurred in guise of Erida.
I recalled my oath, which I made not to you, but to my love.
Again came Aphrodite, just emerged from the ever-frozen zone!

As vowed I've, never dare banish Love.
Never too late begins my ache to shun.
Gentle swain as I'm to refuse---
To turn wicked spirit into divine one!

O Love! You whom I often and silently can't but go,
Hear the sighing sound beyond silence's shore;
Yet not too late to counsel or pray.
I'll dare to bet Love's broken heart for decades to come

REASONS.SEASONS or LIFETIME

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you
have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to
provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or
spiritually. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then,
without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they
die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a
stand.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to
share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give
you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a
season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build
upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept
the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant."

I am still not able differentiate between all those people who have been a
part of my life for a reason, season or a lifetime.
However, I need to learn to accept that people will come and go according to
their role in my life.
Rather than being stuck at a point in time, I need to learn to keep moving
forward in life cause I can now understand if I don't, I am the looser

MY DAYS AT ST FRANCIS SCHOOL,LUCKNOW

My Days at SFS

Its great to talk about the good old days, schools and to interact with my dear fellow Franciscans, peers, seniors and juniors.
Its a matter of great pride and pleasure to walk down memory lane and talk of my days at SFS(Oooooops ,I mean SFC)
SF was School when we were there!!!!!!!!!!! Its college now .
Walking down memory lane ,is probably a misappropriate term!
I really don't have to go back and try to remember anything!!
Its all there, as fresh as today, as if it happened yesterday!!!
Even though I left St Francis in 1975!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(sounds pre historic!)

I joined SFC in 1968,in class three, after doing KG from Christian College and Prep and Class 1 and 2 from St Ann's
( Many of you would not have heard of this school-it was the boys section of Loreto Convent in the present building of Avadh Degree college and we were the last batch of students ,before the school closed down)

After leaving St Ann’s, most of us had only two alternatives Lamarts or SFC
Lamarts was more popular amongst the upper class of Lucknow as it was more British and had almost a complete Anglo Indian staff and above all had the reputation of supposedly brining out smart cool dudes with a greater stress on extra curricular activities and sports

SFS was the second best, in those days but still had a great crowd at its gates for admission, for three reasons.
It was a little more affordable than Lamarts, the academics were reputed to be better and it had an aura of an Indian English school which was a bit more friendly to the non Hindi speaking parents!

The reason why my dad choose SFS for me was different from these three. My brother had joined Lamarts a year back, and my parents were not happy with the academics. So I landed in SFC more by default than as a choice, and could never thank my dad for that more!!!!!!!!!

My stay of over seven years at the college, has been the best phase of my life, the memories of which are my most precious possessions. Besides developing a taste for specific subjects, interest in studies, it helped me to build my personality and bring out the best in me .My passion for stage emerged there, for acting, elocution and debating. And above all it brought me close to a great lot of wonderful teachers and some friends, a bunch of soulmates who have been the most precious achievement of my life, and are buddies for keeps!!!

I left SFC in March 1975, when I was in class 10Th. We were the first batch of ICSE ,and since I had to pursue a medical career ,I wasn't sure if ICSE would help me for CPMT. So I quitted SFS and joined Mahanager Boys High School, even at the cost of loosing 6 months, amounting to an year subsequently

The stay at SFS was a little more than seven years and its been over three decades since I left it, but the memories of those days occupy a very special and coveted place in my heart in terms of space, closeness, quantity and quality
They come alive when ever I interact with any buddy from SFC, and luckily have been in touch with many

Sanjay Lucknow

HARASSED HUSBANDS !

India Today,in its last issue for Aug 2009,ran an article titled,UNHAPPILY HARRIED, which was a real eye opener,even for me,who always felt,that men,were tortured at home,more frequently than thought of.It focused on SAVE INDIAN FAMILY FOUNDATION (SIFI),which comprises of 25 NGOs and 40,000 members,all husbands,victims of domestic violence

Without sounding like a MCP or a Woman Hater,I extend all my sympathies to all these men,and to innumerable more,who don't muster the courage to come in public.I do not deny,that domestic violence,against women,is very rampant in India,and probably the whole world,but men being tortured is prevalent too,though may be in a lesser proportion.Though latter may exist in ant caste or religion ,or social strata,husband bashing is a little more common in certain states like,Bengal,Maharashtra and the eastern India .While it may often be in self protection,or in retaliation to a jobless drunken husband,who is only interested in the wives salary and sex,It is often,for other frivolous grounds.

But physical torture is not what I am concerned with ,men often have to undergo a lot of mental trauma,things which the woman often never understands.Not being Understood by the wife, is probably the main issue,or rather all issues summed up in one phrase,which can cause great mental trauma.It is men,who are jokingly and actually always at the receiving end,for being the careless,disinterested,non romantic,sex maniacs.The constant cribbing,the perpetual nagging,the explicit descriptions of purchases made by friends and relatives,perrineal shortage of adequate clothes and accessories,never ending lists of things to Buy,and forced window shopping can all be very torturing ! Hating window shopping is at the top of the list of all jokes on married men,but on a serious note,window shopping at times,can be actually demoralizing,when you experience the inability of being capable of buying things that your wife or kids want.

But the biggest insult,or mental violence that some husbands face,is the wives constant insecurity and the blame,that you don't love me enough. At times this constant doubt on the mans love,faith and trust,for his wife,can be very painful for the husband,who keeps going through this pain,for years,and even at times for life long,but still fails to convince the wife that he loves her

Women may be the victim of physical violence,but men are harassed too,less physically but more,mentally and emotionally ! And no NGO nor and association can help in this,except the one concerned-wife !

Sanjay Kapoor , Lucknow

OPERATION THEATRE

A beautiful piece written by Dr Kuheli,daughter of my very dear friend and batchmate,Dr Barnalu Ghosh Bhattacharya

One massive stage, a synchronised act of guts and glory, a play of dexterity and intense concentration..A stage set in the operation theatre..There is a set order , a certain protocol , when it comes to working in an OT setting. The operating surgeons,gallant and all powerful , the assistants, in subtle veneration , the nursing staff , the attendants, who slunk around like the invisible work force. There is order... A certain heirarchy, here iin the operation theatre..And then there is the great equaliser!!I love it, the sheer brilliance of the working in a government hospital. For all those who still haven't figured out what all this is about..lemme tell u.In all operation theatres we are expected to be in surgical scrubs, right?now in a govt hoospital these are supplied by the hospital, and laid out all laundered , on the day of your OT outside the theatre. now the brilliant thing is that All of us pick our scrubs from this laundered set, whether you are the big boss or the lowly under study! And every now and then you land up with the faded slightly scruffy looking scrubs..So you have the super suave consultant in his snazzy car, the lady anaesthetist with her posh hand clutch.. but once in OT , their style quotient is equalised by the uniform Green of the scrubs. Infact the ward boys have a much nicer shade of blue scrubs in our OT while the female attendants have a delectable pink ones.elegant fingers are covered in gloves, beautiful faces are covered in masks.. You are stripped of your identity as an individual, and all that speaks is your work. It's a level playing field. Yes, it's true a few get a away with mistakes, but all in all The operation theatre is a great equaliser, an open stage, where the heroic play of life and death is inacted every day.. and the best part is The actors are not allowed to wear make up.

Durga Pooja of yester years

DURGA POOJA OVER THE YEARS !

Even though I am not a Bengali,Durga Pooja ,has always been a special event for me,every year.Was born at Narhi,in Lucknow,where we lived in an area called Kali Niwas,which means the House of Goddess Kali,and as the name implies,it was a huge haveli sort of a building ,sprawling amidst three roads,which had been divided over four generations,housing at that time over twenty Bengali families,with we being one of the only two non Bengali occupants in it.So my child hood was spent amongst Bengalis,and it was natural for me to understand Bengali comfortably,and speak adequately fluently.More than the language ,it was the Bengali rituals,festivals and weddings that we grew up with,and Durga Pooja ,being the most significant

The preparation would start well in advance,specially in getting clothes stitched and in rehearsing stage shows,skits and even long plays for the Pooja celebrations.Stage being ,one of my passions,I was always actively involved in it.The pooja,of our colony,was held in the municipal school adjacent to the Kali Niwas,and each and every one of the colony was actively involved in it,and the main task being that of collecting chanda ( Donation/contribution ) for the celebrations.It was while collecting the chanda and distributing the pamphlets,that I understood the meaning of Shree Shree Durga Pooja.I used to wonder,why a double Shree,till I realized that one was for the Goddess,and the other for her pooja,which was as auspicious and reverent as the goddess herself.
The theme of the pandal and the colour combinations for the idols were planned well in advance and changed every year

During the pooja days,we would wake with the load mersmerizng chants of Ya Devi sarv Bhootey and when the pandaal was set and the Holy Idols had been established,our day would start very early.Have a bath,no breakfast,and rush for the pandaal.While the ladies prepared the prasaad,and the elder males,made the arrangements for the pooja and the marketing,we kids had two major tasks,to clean up the area,especially where the idols were kept and to prepare the prasad in donas ( small bowls made out of dried leaf )The simple prasad,consisting of boondi,chopped bananas and apples,along with a piece of coconut,distributed after Prabhataanjali ( morning offerings) use to be our breakfast.That little prasad in the donas,which had the earthly smell of dried leave,eaten amidst the aroma of the pooja essence,was a wholesome meal.

We then got ready for the day and shouted,at each door and window,to collect the group.This ordeal,of collecting the 25-30 odd,boys and girls, ranging front 5 to 25 years would take almost an hour and then we would head straight to Bengali Club,at Hewwate road,which connects Hussain Ganj to Havlock road.Bengali Club was the main and biggest hub of pooja celebrations.After whiling some time,and dancing around on the music,we prepared the tables and arranged the chairs for the Bhog.These were only for the elderly and VIPs,rest of us,sat on the floor and ate.Poeple took turns in serving and eating,The taste and smell of yummy hot khichdi with cabbage,sweet chatni and begun bhaji ,served with salt and papad,ending with a gulabjamun or paisam is still so vivid in my mind.Post lunch we would go to visit the pandals at Vidyant college and kali baadi on Havlock Road.and occasionally to Model town area,which was the bengali area of Lucknow and then return to our local pandal,to set it for the evening

The tables were removed,and chairs were spread out,to convert the pandal into a mini theatre.We would go home,to change in our new clothes and return soon,to start the variety entertainment.Everyone was given a chance,and there was a small prize,even if just two morten toffees for every participant.We would wind up early here,then head for Lalbagh.The pandal at the park next to Darulshafa opposite the Lucknow municipal office,was always the most attractive ,not only due to the grand beautiful,bigger than life,goddess and other idols,but due to the big mela.( fair) The magnificent Durga,with her colorful clothes,dazzling jewelry,enchanting lotus eyes would almost come alive,at the beats of the dhool(drums) and the frenzied dance of the devotees with the earthen pots emitting the fumes of blissful divine aroma.Many ladies,dressed in their traditional cream silk sarees with red jari border and their big round red bindis, added to the festivityThe mela had everything-food stalls,games,swings and puppet shows.Hoopla,lucky wheel and shooting the baloons were most popular.After enjoying the games,and feasting on chat,biryani and ice-cream,we would land up at Bengali Club again,for a late night Bengali movie and return home past mid night.

On one of the evening we would go to other colonies,to present our,shows,skits and plays,and would get VIP treatment and special food to eat.This would go on night after night,and we would enjoy every second without even the slightest sign of tiredness.On the Bijoy Dashmi day,we would go visiting our neighbors to wish them and take their blessings.all would serve,delicious sweets,like sandesh,rosogulla etc,and the best part was that we were permitted to carry home,our share of snacks ,that we could not finish.

These wonderful memories of Durga Pooja are marred with two unpleasant ones too,related to the celebrations. The idols were immersed in Gomti river after Pooja,every year,usually at the Shaheed Smarak area. The idols were carried in the boats and immersed in the centre of Gomti.One year,on the day after emersion,it came to our knowledge to the utter shock to all ,that one of the boat guy,had taken the idols,and had them immersed at a place where the water was shallow and had subsequently removed the clothes ,ornaments and other offerings.He was bashed black and blue,till he hardly had a single unbroken bone in his body.but something worse,that happened was a real tragic incident,which I shall never forget.During emersion,two boats were moving side by side,and young men were dancing on the boats.Two of them dancing on either of the boat,tried to hold hands and dance,the boats got disbalanced and toppled and all on the boat drowned.It was a harrowing event...........twelve young men,three from the same family,loosing life together.The whole of Lucknow was drowned in sorrow !

I left lucknow to join AFMC,at pune in 78,but luckily didn't miss Pooja there too.Army Medical Corps,having its origin from Bengal Medical Corps,celebrates durga pooja with great fun and fervor,It was celebrated in the huge lawn outside the Command Hospital and was great fun.Being the dramatic and Hobbies secretary of AFMC,I was actively involved in the decoration and the daily entertainment programmes.One day's show,was exclusively by students of AFMC.We would get famous artist to perform every year,and I had the luck to watch Manna Dey,Hemant Da and dance performances of Ravi Shankar live there,besides some wonderful movies of Satyajeet Ray,including Jolsa Ghar .

Durga Pooja still remains close to my heart ,but in the Huge pandals,and the lavish celebrations of today ,I often miss,the warmth of those good old simple days and strong bonds

Joi Ma Durga ! Joi Ma Kali !!

Dr Sanjay Kapoor , Lucknow

MACBETH at LORETO,LUCKNOW

MACBETH AT LORETO LUCKNOW

At the onset,my apologies,for being late,which was due to many reasons.Besides being busy ,had been out of Lucknow several times in recent past,but above all was suffering from a major Writer's Block!

It was a real double treat ,when lucknow staged two English plays in one month,Unfaithfully yours by ACTORS and then MACBETH,by TALL ( Teachers Association of Loreto ,Lucknow ) I bought the ticket well in advance,lest I miss,seeing it,and waited anxiously for the day

Watched the play with mixed emotions.Was feeling really great,visiting Loreto,and that Auditorium,after many years,probably decades.( last being in 74 ) I not only have great fondness for the school,but have special attachment ,with that auditorium,where I made my stage debut,in 65,almost 45 years ago.Theatre at Loreto was really active in those days,and there was something or the other,going on,round the year.We had permanent stage props,several backdrops, and a large wardrobe with a wide range of costumes.Their were two permanent tailors,who use to stitch and alter dresses and curtains etc for the performances.After leaving school,I did continue to go for plays,whenever I could,and last was in 1975 ( I think it was The Circle ) I really felt great,sitting in that auditorium,after so long a time,and even though I was alone,I had no time to feel lonely as I was continuously thinking of the past,and the plays that I had seen there.At the same time I felt a little sad too,as nothing seemed to have changed.Infact the furniture in the auditorium ,had been replaced,by chairs of inferior quality.I was expecting the auditorium and the stage,to have improved,over the years,befitting the expected changes in the auditorium of the leading convent school of the city,to keep abreast with the changing times

Watching a play,is always a treat for me,and that too in your old school,couldn't have asked for more.But was disappointed a bit.The play,Macbeth,a farce revolved around a scenario,where during the staging of Macbeth,everything goes wrong,including an accident of the actor doing Lady Macbeth,compelling the male director to pitch in for that role .The play somewhere missed out ,in bringing out the comedy and the much desired impact.Old fashioned start,improper sound and light effects,in appropriate costumes,lack of coordination , average acting and an overall casual attitude contributed in making the performance,deplete of the essentially required flow and entertainment

I may have sounded harsh,but having said that,I would like to compliment the complete team,for their effort in this maiden venture,and their enthusiasm,to put up the play,in a short period,in spite of their busy schedules,and duel responsibility of college and home.Above all,they were handicapped by the poor audiovisuals of the auditorium.

But I still enjoyed those two hours ,and would look forward to more performances,in that hall.which is so close to my heart.

Sanjay Kapoor , Lucknow

HAUNTING MEMORIES OF ST FRANCIS

The Haunting Memories of SFS

Its unbelievably strange,but I remember everything of SFS ,in my mind as crystal clear,specially the classes where I spent most of the day during those seven odd years

I not only remember the classes,or my seats,but even the seats of some of my other class mates!
Class III B was on the ground floor of the old primary building, to the right as you enter,after the Staff accommodation block(it was demolished and the new double storied primary section came up in 1970 at the same site)
Class IV was on the rear new block,ground floor,second from the toilets,facing the rear field
Class V and VI were in the rear block too,but on the first floor of the extension block to the rear wing
Class VII and VIII were on the first floor and IX and X on the ground floor of the main block

The staff quarters as we entered from the main gate,and the administrative block and principle office behind the primary section
The Canteen and Staff room were in continuation and behind this building with the chapel on the first floor

The Gym and the PT Instructors office were to the right of the main block with the Head Masters Office(The Forbidden Danger Zone-Tigers Den) in it under the steps going to the first floor of the main block

The Hall (Auditorium) was to the right of the main block with the Sceince Labs behind it
The Dormitories for the hostellers were on the first floor of the rear block and the cookhouse and dining hall for them,on the ground floor ,of the same building,at the far end,towards Cathedral School

There was a so called swimming pool too and a basket ball court

Have I missed out anything
and has anything changed/ any additions?? or demolitions ???

Prof Sanjay Kapoor

LORETO & MY FIRST TEACHERS

Loreto & My first Teachers !

Being a May born and since the sessions in the Convents in those good old days started in January,I had to spend six months at Christ Church College(about which I hardly remeber anything),before I was admitted in Loreto Convent in Jan 65 in KG.For many ,it may be news,that Loreto had a boys section too,earlier,till 1967 to be precise.The boys section of Loreto Convent,Lucknow was called St Annes and was run in the building of Avadh Ladies Club,on Kalidas Marg,just a road away from the backside of Loreto's main building,which now houses the Avadh Degree College.Though the administration of the boys section was from the main school,there was no intermingling with the girls, :( ,except during fates,sports days and annual functions or Christmas programmes.

The small school.with just three classes had three teachers,Mrs Fig,Mrs Springett and Mrs Jordan,the first three teachers of my life ( Though my mother was actually my first teacher,who taught me,alpahbets and numbers,before I got into formal schooling)Mother Carmel,was the Mother Superior(Prinipal) at our times,of the complete Loreto Convent and would visit us,once a week,for a very casual but a vigilant round.

Mrs Fig,was an Anglo-Indian,in her late 50s or early 60s,who had spent nearly four decades as a teacher in the school,and had pracatically taught most of the youngsters of Lucknow.Fair,prim and slim she looked really british in her dress with bright floral prints, prematurely silvered hair,brisk gate and the typical Queen's English accent.She always used the same powder or perfume,by which we could identify her ,appraoching the class,much before she reached.She lived in the interiors on Lalbagh and was famous as being the mother of five young sons,who bullied everyone around taking the advantage of the fact that most boys were their moms students.She was the Mother hen of the school almost like a grand mom figure to each one of us.Besides being the class teacher of KG,she was the Story Time and Recreation Break,teacher for the whole school.She would not only read out stories,but make us read too,and would encourage us to tell stories that we could remember and create stories from a sentence started by her.She was also our music teacher ,and played the piano,really well,and gave us our first lessons of do,re me,fa and the Christmas Carols,specially Jingle bells. She was the first lady whom I saw eating indian food,with a fork.She would role the chappati,dip it in gravy and take a bite,and then with the fork would eat a peice of vegetable or meat.

Mrs Springett was actually a british lady,settled in India,and was in school for only a decade,since her husband joined La Martineer Boys and she lived with him in the staff quarters of Lamarts.She was class teacher of the class one,and with her plump physique and grumpy voice,she always reminded us of Mother Hubbord ! She was very loving and caring too,but would never spare the rod! For every mistake we did,which almost always used to be,making noice in her abscence,we would be spanked.She would actually make us bend on her lap,and give two spanks with her palms,one on each bum,and then a stern smile.One never minded that spanking,thanks to the warmth of the soft motherly feel of her lap.

Mrs Jorden,was the youngest,in her late forties,and probably a converted christian.Living in Lalbagh,and always dressed in a saree she was more Indian than the others. She was sweet too,when she wanted to be,but usually she maintained her distance with the students.Being the class teacher of class 2 ,she teached maths to other two classes too.She knew her tricks of numbers so well that she tought us,tables,addition,substraction,missing numbers and dodging,very easily.

None of these three could teach Hindi,and for that we had Mrs D'Souza,the hindi teacher of Girls section.In her late twenties,she was approachable,and friendly.She lived in Narhi and was infact my neighbour,but i never dared to take advantage of that,even though I met her often in the evenings in the locality.She never bothered us much to mug the Hindi Varnmala,as long as we identified the alphabet and could use them to write,jal,tub,aam,bus etc.( I still cant speak out the hindi alphabets on order)She had a tragic fatal stove fire acccident at home,even while we were in school,and that was probably my first encounter with death of someone I knew,and loved.

My tribute to these teachers of Loreto,would be incomplete,without the mention of Mrs Cordigal(Hope I got the spelling correct) Wife of an IAS officer,she was probably a konkan or kurgi,as I presume, retrospectivly, keeping in mind her fair shining skin and beautiful eyes..Emmaculately dressed in pure cotton or silk sarees( La Fab-India and Sanskrti style ) she was jovial,funny and unlike the teachers of those days very friendly.She would come to teach us as a subsitute teacher from the main Block,when anyone was on leave or ill.

Mrs Springett left India in late 60s,Mrs Cordigal moved out of lucknow ,when her husband got posted out,but I kept seeing Mrs Jorden as late as late 70s once in a while in Gunj and .would often see Mrs Fig,knitting,on a winter afternoon,on her rocking chair,in the varendah of her hose,facing the road behind Noor Manjil,in Lalbagh.Whenever I stopped to wave at her and wished her,she would strain her eyes,and then give a knowingly smile with brightened eyes,seen through thick glasses,as if she recognized.Wonder if she really did?

Those memories are so fresh,even after over four decades,and I can actually still hear their voice and feel the warmth of their hugs even today.May thier soul rest in peace,and may my humble tribute and loads of love reach them as a thanks for all they taught us,which I could teach my children,and may be,will teach my grand children too.

Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow

THE DIVINE TUSSLE

The divine tussle

Besides the numerous religions and sects that we had, in the world, especially in India, more and more religious groups are mushrooming everyday. The last decade has seen am alarming rise in the number of GURUS, and their pravachan sessions cost a fortunes, at times the Math or Organization charging in crores for a week session, at any city.

What is strange and at times even disappointing is the fact, that many of them lead lives full of luxury, contrary to what they preach. Some have more than one wife, some involved in criminal charges, some in faulty accounts and few have their children involved in all kinds of nefarious activities, while the ashrams of others are accused of murder of children in the name of Bali

These activities are common not only in India but abroad too, where besides Indians, foreigners are active participants. Latest to be added in the glamour of Pravachan Sessions, this season is a week long, so called spiritual holiday, pravachan on a luxury Cruise by the Oxford educated, Kirit Bhai, and costing 3.5 lacs per person. Religious and spiritual discourses too seem to be getting out, from the reach of the common and poor man.

But what was most shocking and infact amusing was when, one of the Gurus, dragged his deputy to London court for misusing (Read using) his Guru mantra, for making his own personal disciples, after splitting from the parent body. The Guru, not only won the case, but the Shishyas made and Guru Mantra given, by the deputy were declared illegal and nullified, and the original gurumantra was patented

Its shocking and shameful, how even the religious teachers are fighting for power
Be it Hinduism, Christianity or any religion or sect, the struggle and aim in each ends in power, money and numbers
In the blind race to outshine the other, one doesn’t hesitate in using any means
The very object of spreading gyan or knowledge is soon lost to the expansion and rise of the mission
The wood is lost to the trees and the goal to the survival battle

Many of these spiritual teachers today are more of well acclaimed kathakaars, amongst the Hindus in India and abroad, and few have a fan following that could put any pop Bollywood or even Hollywood star to shame. But it seems that what they preaches is just a katha, a story, and nothing more
How can these religious teachers preach selflessness, harmony and non violence, when they leave no stone unturned to gain all the worldly powers?
I think the common man would be better-off, left alone, than following those who cant practice what they preach

Dr S Kapoor Lucknow

SACH KA SAAMNA

SACH KA SAMNA YA RISHTOON KA KHATMA !

No reality show,of Indian TV,has attracted so much controversy,as SKS,(Society-OUTLOOK,Aug 10,2009)
The question is not,whether we believe or not,on what's on SKS,or if it is true or false,but the question is,Is it really worth it ?

The original show,from where,this has been conceived,may have been a real hit,but then,even today,the differences in the values and social norms between the western world and our culture are significant.Pre and extra marital affairs,surprised desires,fantasies,infidelity and even incest,are accepted as being present in the society,and one even accepts these,in a movie or a serial,and now as an audience ,we may even accept it on the show,but I personally feel that it would be totally unacceptable for the near and dear ones,who are involved in the confessions

Relations may not hold a very great significance in the western world ,but have a great importance in our country,We still have to live with the same family ,amongst the same friends and relatives and in the same society.The contestant may be comfortable with the anchor,and in going live,but the family may not be so brave.I think the very concept of the show is against inter and itra personal relationships and a total breech to the relationship with those concerned.The contestant may do it,for money,for fame(read notoriety),popularity or primarily money,but it may be at the cost of those who are sitting there,as family,friend and relatives,and being the humiliated targets.

Even the very foundation of the concept is doubtful,as we really don't know for sure,if the Lie Machine (Polygraph test) always tells the truth ! And even if it is foolproof,I think facing the truth is really not worth it,as it is not a personal issue,but may have a everlasting impact on the image and self esteem of the person spoken about.It is too big a cost to be paid for whatever big or small amount of cash that is won(many have gone empty handed).The prize is not worth it at the stake of life long relations and reputations and above all it is too big a price to pay for washing dirty linen in public.

Wonder how a lady would live,in the same family comfortably,after confessing smilingly,on camera,that her mother was biased,she hated her sister,wished her husband dead,and even thought of killing him,and was willing to sleep with another man,and all this in their presence and probably in the knowledge of her kids,and still win nothing !

It may bring some money,but one may loose relations,which cannot be bought again with the won booty !

Colonel S Kapoor VSM ,Lucknow

INDIAN TV

Indian TV,comes of age !!

Indian TV,has come a long way,over the last nearly four decades,since when it started in early seventies( cover Story-India Today, Aug 10,2009 )

Initially there was nothing besides Krishi Darshan,Phool Khilen Hein Gulshan Gulsan and the weekly Sunday movie and then came the mother of all soups,Hum Log & Buniyyad, followed by the great epic serials Mahabharat & Ramayan.In between we had few other memorable ones like Ek Kahani, Mungari Lal ,Bharat Ek Khooj & Malgudi days.

The real boom,however,on the small screen came with Ekta Kapoor's K series of soaps,with juicy stories,full of split personality characters which could put Jackel and Hyde to shame.I am extremely grateful to Ekta ,for sparing Baa,of innumerable affairs,countless marriages,multiple divorces ,illegitimate children and never ending skeletons in the backyard

Following soon were the reality shows,few of which like Sa Re Ga Ma and Indian Idol,gave us few great singers.Others like Boogie Boogie, Laughter Challenge,brought dancing ,comedy and other hidden stars of India,to the forefront,and provided a platform to the common people,to show their talent at a national and international level.Few others,like Big Boss, Roadies, Splitz Villa etc,were introduced and focused on the younger generation,depicting the bitchy life and the rivalry amongst the competitors,spiced with most unwarranted foul language on screen.This phase also saw some good satirical comedies like Sarabhai verses Sarabhai ,Tu Tu Mai Mai & Office Office .

While the K series of family melodrama,were ordered to be put off the ventilator,a new series of soaps emerged,on regional culture,specially of Gujarat,Rajasthan and Bihar.Majority of the serials today are of a good standard and have great entertainment value .Many of these ,running presently ,like Balika Vadhu, Agaley janam ,Na Aana Is Desh Laado & Mitwa are focusing on social evils and issues likes female infanticide,child marriage,premarital sex, empowerment of woman & widow remarriage.Other good ones,on air at present are Bandini, Ladies Special, Jyoti , Eh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai, Utran & India Got Talent .Besides this,we cannot forget someother good programmes on news channels,like We The People & The Big Fight.Two channels that have shown commendable popularity in a very short time are Colors and NDTV Imagine .

But the two serials that need special mention are Rakhee Ka Swamwar & Sach Ka Saamna.Both of these have received the maximum attention ,since while the first was a really unique idea,the other is the most daring,and has in fact crossed the limits of social norms,compelling one to think of a regular censor Board for the idiot box !

The TV industry of India is as big as Bollywood,if not more,and with so many good serials,soups and programmes on various channels,the channels do have a tough time,keeping the TRP high.We keep blaming the channels,for the verbal,conceptual and visual contents of the episodes,but continue to watch them.So they give,what sells,and are encashing on the viewers taste well.The only thing that I cant understand,is that why do all channels,show their best programme at the same time,It may be compitition,or marketing logic,but am sure that if the channels plan,and spread their programmes,in a manner,that the timings of the best programme of at least three-four channels don't clash,then the TRP of many more will go up significantly.

Dr Sanjay Kapoor

WHATS IN A AGE ?

What's in AGE !!

Nothing has lost its identity,more in the recent years,as has age !( Cover Story,OUTLOOK,Aug 3,2009)
Age,which once was a very significant aspect of any person's,personal particulars,seems have no existence today.

Just two decades back,age decided everything,schooling,job,marriage,kids,clothes,food,lingo and life style.We had rigid ,water tight compartments ,arbitrarily of 25 years each,to divide the community into youngsters,middle age and oldies,and the latter starting,at the surprising young age of 50.This compartmentalization ,probably based on the Ashram system of Vedas,was handed down generation after generation,with a pre conceived generation gap ! Majority of the people,spent most of their lives,just to earn a livelihood,and lived most of the time either taking care of the previous generation or the next generation !

But times have changed,and age has no significance today.People are living for a Life and for Self,today.It is not that today's individual has forgotten his or her responsibility towards the parents ,family or children,but its just that one has started caring for self too.The major factors that brought this change was,that each and everyone was getting suffocated in the traditional lifestyle and the never ending list of responsibilities.And the change has been made possible by many factors,Education,Financial stability,lack of insecurity for the future ,willingness to take risk and above all,getting out of the fear of what will the society say !

The biggest impact of this,has been,that the generation gap has suddenly disappeared and the difference between two generations,that was so evident earlier has become absolutely blurred.Parents and kids,use same brands of clothes,gadgets,accessories,enjoy same type of outings,pubs,and partying,use the same lingo and share the same jokes and SMSs ! And they even do this together.The mother and daughter not only share the same cosmetics and sandals,but even clothes,In fact in my family,four generations of ladies ,including my mother and sisiter's grand daughter use the same parlor.A man having beer with his dad and son,on a Sunday afternoon is not a surprising situation.This has brought the generations closer and has made them more friendly ,which is essential for a truthful and healthy relationship.

People do what they want to,persue a career of choose,work for satisfaction,break norms of society for happiness,and even marry ,at times,after settling kids.and having grand children.!

Nothing is without drawbacks,and even though a few people,may go overboard,but overall,this ageless society of today,is giving each one the right to live till the last breath as per his or her choice,and the trend is here to stay for good

Dr Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow

RAKHEE KA SWAMWAR

GIVE THE DEVIL HIS(/HER) DUE

Rakhee Ka Swamvar,is the most talked about reality show of Indian TV,ever,second may be just to,Sach Ka Samana.(The Sexes ,The Week,aug 02,2009)

.In spite of her stunning designer outfits,with her pouting lips,pakoda nose,painted face,layered eyelids with artificial eyelashes,flickering at regular intervals,silicon at the right and wrong places,she looks like Ms Hanuman in any Japanese animation film on Ramayana,and reminds me of Simba of Lion King. Rakhee Sawant may sound loud or act crude at times,but she needs a great applaud,for it is she and she alone who could dare to do this and get away with it,so successfully

The morality guardians of the society and the critics of Bollywood may accuse her of exposure and vulgarity and may call her uncouth and un polished,but she has proved without doubt that hard work and a strong determination can help anyone achieve his or her goal.No wonder she is every where these days,from big screen to TV and from chat shows to media.
Coming from a very humble background,she has achieved a lot in a very short time,in terms of money and even fame,only due her genuinely.She has delivered what the audience wants and has no squams about the double standards of morality and doesn't play the hypocrtic role of sati-savitri

She calls a spade a spade and has the punk and the guts to stand for what she does.
Not that an item girl is the choice of profession for every girl,but Rakhee Sawant can definitely be taken as a role model for her strong determination by every girl,specially since she has proved that everyone has a right not only to dream but to fulfill their dreams too

And I feel,that she deserved better suitors,which she will prove by rejecting all! Its everyman's guess that ,come the final day,2nd August ,she wont marry anyone,but what will keep us guessing is what next? Rakhee ka Swamwar 2 or Rakhee Ki Suhagraat !

Sanjay,Lucknow

UNFAITHFULLY YOURS

UNDOUBTEDLY ENTERTAINING !!!!

Have been writing reviews on movies for almost a decade now,and hence thought I must pen down my views on plays too. ACTORS ,( Amateur Creative Talents On Repertory Shows) recently staged Unfaithfully Yours,a two act comedy,at Lucknow.
Watching it was a double treat,firstly because I was watching an English play in Lucknow after almost three decades,and secondly because the play was beautifully staged.

The story of the play revolves around Jack Smith,who secretly has two wives and manages to keep two families,with a daughter and a son from each wife.The kids meet on the internet and want to meet personally,more so,since they find that the description of their dad,matched identically.The plot is created as to how jack,along ith his lodger friend Sam,tries to prevent the kids from meeting.In this confusion lands up,Sam's dad,to complicate the scenario.Even though Jack and Sam, with great difficulty ,successfully manage to keep the kids apart,the two wives inevitably meet .And while Jack and Smith,struggle to explain the embarrassing situation,they are shocked by the wives,who declare that they have known the secret,all along,and were keeping mum,since Jack was at his best at both ends,and the ladies wanted to continue the fun!

Though a simple plot,it was difficult to execute,as the action in the living rooms of both the houses was played on the same stage setting and often,simultaneously at the two houses,with inhabitants of each home being oblivious of the presence of the others.

All the actors did justice to their roles but would specially like to compliment Zahur Zaidi who was brilliantly superb in the role of Jack.In spite of having the toughest role,he sailed smoothly,thanks to his histrionic abilities and amazing familiarity with contemporize stage acting.His dialogue delivery was effortless,expressions natural and actions impactful.Carlyle McFarland,playing Sam,once again showed his versatility and succeeded in putting life in the role he played and in making the audience laugh their guts out with him.Faisal Hussain was funny and aptly casted in the role of Sam's father,and added spice to the confusion. Tazeen Husian and Varsha Choudhary,looked prettty as Jack's two wives,and even though they stuck to the conventional theatre acting of school days,they played their roles well and smartly giving it the much needed glamour and glitter.Special mention to Varun Egbert and Samira Khan ,who played Jack's son and daughter respectively,and did a great job,for their age,and displayed great potential for future.

The direction of Faisal Hussain had a total professional touch and was clearly evident through out the play.But above all,one thing that made the biggest impact and had the maximum contribution in the succes of the play,was the coordination and synchronization,which in the setting of the plot,was a Herculean task.The flawless and precise timing of the actions,entry,dialogue delivery and the sound effects,gave the play the fines of Hollywood editing.The stage setting and props provided by Raj Furnishings were tastefully assembled and gave a very realistic look.The sound and light effects were positively complimentary.

No review can be completed without the mention of the audience.It was a pleasure seeing the audience in the hall that day,which could match the stage lovers of Mumbai or Delhi,without a hitch.The enthusiasm and involvement from people of all ages was very obvious and what was most prominent was the fact that,Lucknow audience has become mature and sporting enough to not only accept,but also enjoy,sexy adult jokes on stage and even uncamoflauged display of gay relations

Overall it was a wonderful theatrical treat and look forward to similar production from ACTORs and other stage lovers in lucknow.

Dr Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow

CHANGING EMOTIONS

Changing emotions

Emotions in relationships, are undergoing an obvious change these days, with a sense of casualness creeping in, specially in some women, who think that they should treat men as they are , carefree, unreliable and unemotional, a reputation that they have unluckily had since eternity!

The women who get into these temporary relations, where they use men and company as a post-dinner commodity, to be used and discarded are confused and insecure. In their new Avtaar of liberated women, they really don’t know what they want from a relation or from a man, they are doing this just for the heck of it and there is nothing emotional about it.

The emotions of a man have always been misunderstood. Men are as emotional as women if not more but definitely more judicious about its use, they neither go bonkers in expressing it nor do they waste it on every Kate, Keith or Mary. Men have always been subtle in expressing their emotions and stingy about its use. It is available only after he is convinced that the steady or the wife is for keeps. Men are never emotionally available for these one-night -stands.

The present trend of short-lived and disposable attitude can never create an emotional bonding and is highly harmful for future permanent relationships

No offenses to any of the ladies and Hope I am not labeled a MCP !

Sanjay Kapoor

ROLE OF A DAD

DADDY -O-DADDY !
It is heartening to see that a day has been earmarked for dads as well,as Fathers day,as there is a Mothers Day !

The role of a father in a child's life has gone a revolutionary change in the last two decades or so,and has almost broken the water tight compartmentalization,that existed between the roles of mom and dad !

But be it his previous role,or the new avtaar,one person and relation,that has been the biggest victim of the gender bias,has been the Father !And this has come down since eternity,in mythology,literature,stories and poetry.Even Bollywood has not been left behind in this discrimination,as while there are innumerable movies and songs on Ma ki mamta,there are hardly any on Pita ka pyaar !

Without undermining the importance and significance of the role of a mom in the life of a child,I would only like to say that a fathers contribution,is no less ,if not more

Fathers not only take paternity leave to take care of the infant,but they attend prenatal clinics and training,change and wash diapers,take night cry-calls alternating with the mom,boilbottles and prepare feeds,bathe the child,iron uniform,fix tiffins,attend PTAs and other school activities,help with school projects and much more.Besides being a great friend, philosopher and guide,he can be a sports instructer for the son,and a hero for the daughter

While the mom takes care of the home,dad provides the house.
While she teaches us our manners,,he takes care of education
While she inculcates moral values within us,he develops a social status and standing for us in the family and the world
While the mom builds our character,the dad contributes significantly in creating our personality
While she provides the gentle care to our lives,he is the strong anchor that prevents us from driftng astray

The mother may be able to play the role of father too,in adversity,but if needed Dad can swap roles too,and shoulder the dual responsibility of mom and dad,beautifully.

Even the emotions of the father have been generally and usually,presented half heartedly.Mom may be soft,caring and gentle.but dad is equally concerned,loving and emotional.
The father may appear unconcerned,detached and disinterested and may not give adequate time to the child,but his silent,backstage contribution is irreplaceable.
While the mother keeps a track of his or her smiles and milestones,he keeps a silent vigil on his outdoor activities.A single ill-logical No, or an encouraging Yes,once in a life,may be as significant as the daily hundreds of hugs and kisses from the mom,and may help us to take the biggest decision of our lives.

The mom takes pride in every star that the child gets in class or the medals and cups won,but the real happiness that the father gets is when the daughter finds her life partner and the son steals his best shirt or shoes for a secret date,or beats him in a game or a car race

The kid recognizes the contribution of the father,when he or she gets the first pay,or hold their child in their arms.

Thoughts that cross a childs mind for the father at various ages may be like this

1-5 years-someone for rowdy tricks and pillow fights
5-10-years-Perennial Santa Clause and someone for horse riding and piggy back rides
10-15 years-The sports instructor
15-20 years-My dad knows everything,can do everything,can never do any thing wrong and is the Hero and the Best!
20-25 years-why cant he understand me.? Its so difficult to have peace with him
25-30 years- it is so difficult to find a job and earn money
30-35 years-wonder how dad ran the house and gave us all we wanted
40-45 years-it is so tough to bring up kids
45-50 years-he is getting old and needs my care and time
after 50-Its killing to see Dad age,May he never leave me !

This day has a double importance for me and I say this not as a Father,but as a Son,since I am a son of an aging dad and father of two grown up daughters
My Sunday coffee is made by my 80 year old dad at Lucknow,and by my daughters at Delhi and is something for which i wait for the whole week and I can skip all the meals of the week for that ritualistic coffee.

May God grant me the strength,time,patience,gentleness and concern,with which dad brought me up,and what I need now to help him to eat,dress-up and walk,and be able to father him as a kid,when he needs my hands to help him walk

Long live all Dads

Sanjay,Lucknow

Retirement Letter fRom A surgeon !

When is a surgeon's sell by date, and what is the shelf life of a
surgeon? Surgeons young and old should merely look around them; theyoung to make mental notes about what to do [and not do] when they areolder, and older surgeons should do so as a reality or insight check.I made mental notes about teaching about 25 years ago. I overheard agroup of students referring to our famous, emeritus, retired, renownteacher who had stayed on: "There was this funny little old guy withround glasses who burbled about hernias." It had something of MariaCallas returning to the Royal Festival Hall after a long absence, andhalf the audience walking out on hearing the cracked voice, or thereappearance of an ancient rocker with an exuberant wig, and guitar. Ialso remember noting when I was a trainee that the very old surgeonssecretly felt, and sometimes said, that radical mastectomy was theonly proper operation. In the same spirit some may feel thatlaparotomy is the only real operation and not laparoscopy. Anothermarker of age, and perhaps a nudge to retirement is when the olderspeaker gravely announces that there is nothing to beat a good historyand physical examination, and all this endoscopy, spiral CT and MRIstuff is nonsense. Thats another nudge to retirement. Go, my friend.Operating is brutal and unforgiving. I saw this and migrated fromvascular to oncology in my thirties, realising that I would not do, orwant to do, a ruptured or dissecting aneurysm at 2am when I was older.Those that did, including some American vascular VIP's I knew,disappeared down the neck of whiskey bottles. Manipulative skillsdeteriorate with time. Less often do you pull off your gloves and saythat that was a perfect thyroidectomy or adrenalectomy. The surgerybecomes coarser. A famous academic went into private practice onretiring at 65, did a Whipple, which took 12 hours, and made him liedown on the OR floor drenched in sweat, and was his operatingswansong. Surgery is like professional sport, with a limited [but ofcourse longer] life, and a short time in the sun. In your late fortiesyou become aware of the young pack at your heels, slick and quick inthe OR. They are arrogant and unforgiving and condescending. Just likeyou were.Should you just go on operating until you kill someone, or killyourself? If you believe that surgery is all there is in the world youare living in blinkered pathos. You have missed out, and will miss outon the pleasures and satisfactions our limited life has to offer. Bythe time you are in your sixties, you should have made and investedenough money from unnecessary cholecystectomies to retire. Osler said:"Study until twenty five, investigate until forty, profession untilsixty, at which age I would have him retired on a double allowance."We cant have that luxury. Pilots used to have compulsory retirementat 60, and this was extended five years ago to 65. The pilot's deathin the plane from Brussels to the USA in the last 24 hours may makethem want to rethink that.If you are very lucky - and perhaps wise - you can have a period oftransition into retirement. Perhaps administration and no surgery,perhaps less and a lesser type of surgery, perhaps no night call. Themost important thing is to think about it, and to plan it. Most can'tdo either._._,_.___

SUICIDE OF WOMANHOOD

SUICIDE OF WOMANHOOI am a great admirer of woman and have immense respect for her.
I am also all the way ,for their upliftment and empowerment
But without sounding like a MCP,I cannot resist but say,that many woman are actually going overboard
Under the umbrella of woman-lib,modernization,advancement,woman-empowerment and equality,some of the women of today is going bonkers.They are running nonstop with a sole aim of leaving man behind,at an unimaginable pace,to destinations unknown and goals undefined.
Suddenly the battle has become more important than the victory-point,which she herself does not know.
Education,equality,self-dependency are all worth encouraging ,but the means being used are often wrong
In trying to compete with the man ,the women at times forgot that they need not ape him to do so.
She need not wear pants,drink,smoke,hash.use abusive language , be ruthless,emotionless and exploit people to give her male counterpart a good fight
In trying to find a new identity she is loosing the identity she had.
Where are those doe-eyed women who could make hundreds of men weak in the legs by just one flicker of the eyelid,or the stern look of the old-woman of the house,whose frown could stop even the clock.
She can be an achiever without becoming a man and killing the feminine identity.
These are not individual suicides,these are indicators of the suicidal and homicidal mission, that the woman is on these days.
Woman is killing womanhood

Dr Sanjay Kapoor

Favourism,partiality and discrimination !

.Obama s reaching the most coveted chair of president of USA,though seems to have shattered the myth as it partially did in India with a Dalit President,Muslim president,lady president and now a dalit lady as a speaker of look sabhaBut isn't this a part of the mankind's total history...Discrimination on several grounds has existed since time memorable.Favors,partiality and Discrimination are stages of the same process and are seen every where and in all aspects of life.On class,creed,education,color,gender and social and economical status.On international level it is on color and country of origin,and on national level it is on state,community,language,and religion.Even in religion it is on caste,and in towns and villages,on caste and power of land and money

Our mythology,including the epics of Ramayana and Mahabharata are replete with favourism and discriminationDiscrimination has been seen in schools,and in the best of convents between the Christians and the non Christians.Surprisingly it is seen in the same community,between various sects,like the shias and sunnis in Muslims and Catholics and protestants in Christians.And above all,discrimination is seen within a family,based on education,status,financial standing ,and in-laws,not only by relatives and siblings but often even by parents ! Much,that we would like such discrimination,which causes physical,materialistic,financial ,mental or emotional ,to be eradicated,it seems an almost impossible task. it has become an integral part of our society and somewhere may be a reflection of insecurity and a battle for survival
This is in fact often en courage by the so called guardians of society and religions,for power or merely for their personal existence and survival.I can just pray that with educational progress,we can fight this unwanted presence of partiality,favourism and discrimination leading often to disgusting violence and loss of innumerable innocent lives

Sanjay Lucknow

written in response the a write-up from my dear friend Milan Kamdar from London (Appended below)


Ethnicity, Color of Skin and People
Share
Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 2:40am
by
Milan Kamdar

Last night's election in America resulted in a 'CHANGE' that Americans first, followed by the rest of world woke up to. Hence, this little note about ethnicity, color of skin and people's perception.In the United States, as in much of the rest of the world, people are frequently thought of in different ways depending on their skin color or perceived membership in this or that ethnic group. This happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people simply harbor a hatred for anyone who is a different color or ethnicity from themselves. Others have had a bad experience with another person and assume that all other people who share some superficial characteristic with this person will behave in a similar way. And there are people who are simply naïve and inexperienced and believe some inaccurate story that they have heard or read about people whose ancestry is unlike theirs, of course, lead to actions, and bigoted beliefs can result in discriminatory behaviors. These can range from some people's unwillingness to befriend, do business with, or live near people whose appearance or language they do not approve of, to physical attacks against people the assailants see as somehow alien and undeserving of the freedoms other people enjoy. While few people's prejudice is extreme enough to lead them to assault other people, great damage can be done to others when the bigotries of individuals are given a group expression through the state and the institutions it creates.
American governments have always practiced and promoted discrimination both directly and indirectly. And so have our own British governments at home. They have legitimized, at various times, unacceptance, segregation, and prejudicial immigration practices. In addition, they have promoted unfair practices in the private sector by favoring businesses that practice discrimination while disenfranchising the targets of prejudice and preventing them from setting up alternative institutions of their own. It is nearly impossible, for instance, to start up an alternative to a bigoted store in one's community if the banks refuse credit and a government monopoly of money prevents alternative financing arrangements. Over the years, government action has resulted in far more inequitable and harmful treatment of people than any bigoted individuals could ever hope to inflict.The fact that flies in the face is its difficult getting resources from the state or other sectors like charitable institutions for an entrepreneurial venture. The same doors open quicker and easier when there is a demand for a religious or community project that is unproductive and drives the young creative mind away. Why?...is a question that seeks answers on its own.
Many people, of all colors and ethnic groups, reject discrimination and would like to see a society free of prejudice. Unfortunately, it is common for those who seek to eradicate bigotry to share some of the outlook of those they oppose. They tend to share an unwillingness to see others as individuals instead of members of groups. Whether assigning people to groups is done with the intention of discriminating against or helping someone, classifying individuals based on the color of their skin or their parentage conflicts with the individualist idea that each person is unique. People's beliefs and behavior are not determined by such superficial traits as ethnicity or primary language, and to assume that they are can only lead to misunderstanding. Individual personalities, desires, and habits are the result of an enormous number of different influences and people shortchange others when they try to reduce them to simply a sample of a larger group.Viewing people as representatives of some ethnic "community" instead of as individuals leads opponents of inequity to support solutions to discrimination such as affirmative action. In such schemes, diversity is seen as more important than individual merit or fitness, and in order to make the ethnic numbers look good, institutions will ask people for their ethnic origin details promising unprejudicial treatment of the data. What these schemes fail to realize is that whether it succeeds in removing the barriers or creating some more?In a world without ethnic discrimination, it is likely that many of our neighborhoods, workplaces, and social spaces would be far more heterogeneous than they are today.
The biggest change in perception now across the globe on both sides of the 'RACE' line, that of the people who discriminate and the ones who are discriminated would be whether to let the misconstrued and tunneled vision prevail or to let it fade and not restrict the flight of a fellow human being irrespective of who they are!

LIVE LIFE PRINCE SIZE

The recent recession ahs much to do with loans,credit cards and changing life style
The rich and effluent of this country are really living life king size(The Week 01dec02)And why shouldnt they?
They can afford it and it is definately worth it to live up today and enjoy it to the brim,rather than save and wait for to-morrow,which may not come
But this has really caused chaos for the middle class.Living life king size is not an easy task,it needs lots of money,The upper class has it and the lower are not expected to maintain a standard.It is the middle class of the society which is facing the brunt of this sudden boom in the living standards.These are mainly the service class professionals or young executives,who have the taste,the knowledge of the in-things and even the time.They come in contact with these really hi-fi poeple of the society and are actually growing crazy trying to keep pace with them
Owning a house,car,telephone,tv,fridge etc can hardly be called extravance.These are neccesities.Even an ac,microwave and cellphones can be added in this list for working couples,There is absolutely no harm in buying these on loan or by credit card.It is the disposables of todays lifestyle that are the trouble shooters.Clothes,accesories,eating out,holidays and jwellery cost a fortune but are very short lived due to the faste speed of changing fashion and trend.This is where there is maximum use of credit cards which starts a vicious cycle, often requiring a loan to pay-off the credit card dues
Improving living standards and aiming for a better life-style is a sign of progress but should be done with caution.Spending more than what one earns can never go on for eternity,the baloon will burst one day.t The rich have a back-up,the neo or the psuedo rich have no reserve to pull them out.
And while todays luxeries are really comfortable, they have their dangers too.They are not only making life a little too fast ,mechanical and materialistic, but also giving the kids a false security and an attitude to just relax and enjoy.
Aiming such a life or maintaining such a standard may often tempt a person to use unfair maens which may be actually dangerous
So its better to live a life prince size on affordable means than king size on borrowed or stolen money

D r Sanjay Kapoor

ELECTION DRAMA UNFOLDS

INDIAN VOTERS COME OF AGE !

Yesterday was not only a great day for Congress to celebrate but it was also a great day for India,Indian politics and democracy and above all for the Indian Voters.!

Election 2009 have been one of the most significant elections in the time of international recession and the national political uncertainty.With innumerable parties aspiring to come to power and several self proclaimed PMs in waiting,the campaigning saw unprecedented ups and down and dramas.There was a very active role during the pre-election phase,of the educated class and the youth on India in expressing their views.This had a great impact on the voters but in spite of this the turn out for voting was unexpectedly low.

The victory of Congress and UPA,is actually well deserved.The non controversial campaigning,the well planned seat and ticket distribution and the meticulous execution of the directions,all paid dividends.Congress victory has definitely been amplified by other parties,Like the vulgar display of money and over ambitious dream of being the PM,of Mayawati,the doubt in the party for leadership and the Varun fiasco of BJP,the faux pas of Mulayam to eradicate English and computers ,overconfidence of Jayalalitha and the imaginary zest of others like Lallu,Paswan and Karad to throw away congress by any means.

Besides this, the real Star of the match,has been the Indian voter,across the nation.Breaking all politically created divides,of rural and urban,educated and illiterate,and on issues like,gender,caste and religion,the Indian Voter's decision echoed in unison.The aam janta ,has chosen what is best for them and have shown beyond doubt that
They want stability and good non controversial governance which works in unison and without major selfish motives and in-fighting
They are more interested in actual growth and development
They want to break the exploitation of religion ,class and creed by politicians
They want the smaller,inefficient relational parties away from Delhi
They are not impressed by gimmicks,vulgar display of money and limited, unplanned, unproductive localized development
They want to end corruption
And lastly,they want to live their lives peacefully and grow,along with a well governed growing nation
The verdict of the voters may also be interpreted as give-two-hoots and let it be as it is,attitude,but it is definitely not so.It is a deliberate effort to strengthen the hands of Congress,to enable to continue in power and continue doing the good job!

All the credit of the victory cannot be given to others,as Congress deserves a very major share.Besides exhibiting good governance,promoting growth,encouraging development,UPA government has conducted itself in the most exemplary non controversial manner,taking the country definitely to a better and promising platform of development.The strong hold at the top,in the hands of the so called weaker sex,beautifully implemented by the soft spoken and so called weakest PM ever,of India has emerged the Strongest.Humility,planning and restrain have all contributed in the mega success.Avoiding the mud slinging game and impractical promises,the congress truthfully presented the genuine work done in the last five years,proving the good old saying,"Don't tell the world what you can do,Just do it ! " Rahul Gandhi's well planned campaigning and the induction of young blood in the party has really gone a long way in making Singh the King ,and getting him a second consequent tenure as PM.and brought Rahul,the well earned invitation to be in the cabinet.

Being from UP,I cannot end without expressing my mixed emotions about the outcome of the elections in my state.Am very happy to see Mayawati go,though I feel Akhilash Dass deserved a better deal,had he not been with BSP.Had he continued with congress,both would have benefited today.I am also happy to see that Congress has done so well this year,but am still a little depressed that it wont be in power,and once again the state will be in the hands of SP.

Some may still call this a Dynasty rule,but if the experience of the four generations of a family are the best for the smooth functioning of our country,then such Dynastic Democracy is always welcome !

Dr Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE!

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE !!!!!!!!!!

Have been disgustingly disappointed after reading all the early articles,in the recently introduced column Wicked Word,in the WEEK,by V S Jayaschandran( Coming and Groins,THE WEEK,Feb 22,2009)

I am fully aware,that the reader is more open minded today,and doesn't mind a few four or three letter words here and there,but a column,contentratining only on those words is really unwarranted and absurd!Shabha De's Sexes ,was often naughty,but was relevant to current affairs.The newly introduced Wicked Words,may be tougher to write,and may involve a fair amount of research in English Language and literature,and may even be judged a better work of the pen,but it generally makes no sense except the jamboree of few phrases,laced with the use of generally unusable words!

Its usage is akin to the sizzling item numbers of La Maliika Sherawat et al thrown in movies,for cheap popularity,and not even to the classier ones of Mallika Arora.These articles may be adding a little spice to the reading material,but it doesn't befit a reputed family magazine like THE WEEK !

Sanjay Lucknow

WHY BLAME DOCs ALONE

WHY ONLY DOCs !!!!!!

It was doubly sad to read the article 10 Common Most Medical Mistakes (India today,Feb 16,2009) ,firstly because it highlighted the faux pas of my profession,and secondly or rather more intensely,since all the blame was put on the fragile shoulders of the Doctors!

In spite of being a very ardent believer and preacher of the principle,that every doctor should respect the faith ,that the patient,imposes on him or her,specially in a surgeon,in handing over one self,in a state of anesthesia to be cut(operated) ,I cannot resist but put forward my views ,to defend the doctors.

We should all understand that,the doctor is,just a very small part of any medical set-up,be it private or government,and is often as helpless and harassed as the patient,if not more,by the system.Long queue,nonavailabilty of drugs,non functioning equipment,inadequate and inefficient para medical staff,improper care by nursing staff,waiting lists for surgery and bed crunch,are all well beyond most of the doctors,most of the times.

Leaving an instrument inside the body,during surgery,removing the wrong organ and at times prescribing wrong medicine,are mistakes,that should not happen by anyone,but as human as a doctor can be,they do happen,in spite of all checks for prevention,like any other mistakes that occur in any filed be it engineering,marine or driving! We are human too,and liable to err,though we should try our level best to avoid such unwanted mishaps.

Doctors are there for providing medical help,but they have never claimed to be and are not Magicians! If your lifestyles swings from one end of overexertion to a totally mechanical and sedentary life leading to severe bodyache,or if the stress of your life turns you into an insomniac,the doctor has no alternative but to repeatedly prescribe pain killers and sedatives,even if you become an addict,specially if you are not willing to change your lifestyle.The Doctor can advice,but cannot,exercise,diet or change a lifestyle for you,even if you can afford a personal phycian for yourself !

Doctors are as human as anyone else,and hence besides having all the human follies,have desires and ambitions and commitments too.If a 20 year old undergraduate,with just a 3-6 months on the job training,can charge 200-300 rupees just to look up a TV,comp or a washing machine,why cant a 35 year old post graduate specialist charge a fee of Rs 500?Life of a pilot is tough,but there is no profession which is more taxing ,in physical,mental,emotional and financial stress,as medicine, and an average doctor is minimum ten years behind his counterparts in any field,in terms of designation,earning and comfort.And most of the doctors do not earn as much as most people think they do,and the earning is definitely less than,the others at that age and stage,in any other career.

Medicine is a noble profession,and we all respect the faith of the patients in us,and though we must all ensure to avoid any situation that may endanger the life of a patient or worsen the condition,we need a little more compassion from the clientele ,in recognition of the stress under which a doctor works normally,and at least of a common man,who wants to earn a living and can err too!

Dr Sanjay Kapoor Lucknow

CYBER_RELATIONSHIPS

The world seems to be overreacting to Cyber-relationships
Being naughty and glad-eye is normal human nature. Flirting or even sex-chatting is not infidility,The spouses, mainly wives are just getting scared due to insecurity, Every individual, married or single has right to his of her emotional, romantic and sexual fantacies.The last two of these will normally not have the spouse in it, Net gives an outlet to these fantasies. It’s as harmless as watching or reading pornography.
Net cannot be blamed for extramarital affairs, as persons inclined to it, will indulge in it, irrespective of net-sex.
People indulging in net-chat to any extent, can be sincere spouses and those not practicing it, are not above infidelity.
So. spouses crying and worrying over the fear of loosing their life partners to the net-freind, should rather try to bring life into their partner’s fantasies.
And the bottom line is that every person has a right to his or her private friend life, in life or on net. The extent however to be within the social norms and acceptance by the spouse depends on the faith in the relationship
Sanjay

VALENTINE'S DAY

THE STORY OF VALENTINE'S DAY
Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint — is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.
One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl — who may have been his jailor's daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.
While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial — which probably occurred around 270 A.D — others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification.
The boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed. Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February — Valentine's Day — should be a day for romance. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England. Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.
In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.
According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.)
Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.
Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum. The first commercial Valentine's Day greeting cards produced in the U.S. were created in the 1840s by Esther A. Howland. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap".

NET PALS

THE SHOUT OF THE INNERSELF

Chatting,netpals and now blogging are sequential progression of the same phenomenon-reaching out and fighting inner loneliness,and they are here to stay.There are several reasons and aspects to these

Human mind is much more complex than it appears and even a simple soul can have innumerable thoughts within the mind that even the closest cannot read.Each person has innumerable desires,fantasies and imaginations,some good,some bad and some ugly,and bound by the norms of family,upbringing,education and society,most of these are kept well within.
But most of us today,want our real self to breathe,and come out,and are desperate to give went to our feelings and be our normal selves.Net is the best platform

In today's time ,when time is always at premium and distances killing,Net provides the best opportunity for global interaction with innumerable people without any pretences and any fears of rejection.Net is above the shams of social strata's and the battle of one-up-manship.It can be the best punching bag and the biggest stress buster

Net,netpaling,chatting and blogging can be very educative too and are above the problems of status maintenance and the shams of socializing

These are the shouts of the innerself and the warning to the parents,society and the self imposed guardians of morality that the rigid and narrow vision needs an intersection and an awakening

Dr Sanjay Kapoor

WHO SHOULD GOVERN US ?

WE SHOULD DECIDE ?

I am a great fan of democracy,in politics and in life,but cant resist from wondering if there should be a QR (minimum Qualification Requirement) for those who are to govern us !

There was so much controversy recently about Sanjay Dutt,mainly as to from which party he should contest,from where and against whom.But the most important issue is that is he qualified enough to contest Lok Sabha Elections and will he be able to govern us! Is popularity the only qualification? and can notoriety be a substitute to the popularity??

We have innumerable examples of shameful.selection of candidates,including those who succeeded and came to power.Many of these rose from anonymity or infamy and rose to become the ones to walk the corridorsof power,adorn the thrones and to go ahead and govern us!Rabri Devi and Phoolen Devi,are glaring examples of such incompetent and in famous candidates respectively, in the past,whose only name to fame,and to win the ticket to power ,was the ploy of the king (or queen) makers to exploit cheap popularity!Ms Irani,of Tulsi fame was another ,where BJP,tried to encash on her screen popularity! I have omitted the name of the present head of the state,the power lady,appointed by the most powerful lady of the country,because her disqualification is only partial anonymity at the national level,before she came to power,and because she is adorning a decorative and more of a ceremonic appointment! I have also omitted those who have come to power with criminal records,because all in politics are manipulators and breakers of law,unless proved otherwise,for personal causes or for the party!

Democracy,is a rule,by the people,of the people,and for the people! And I am not against the uneducated ,the ladies,or even the unknown to take apart in it.Their active participation at the panchayat ,gram and block level,has to be appreciated and encouraged! Nor am I against the cine stars to participate in politics.they too are citizens of the country and have all right to be a part of the democracy!And we have some very powerful politicians in the past and in the present,more from the south,with a background from Indian film Industry,and some stars have done well not only as social activists but even as Rajya Sabha members.But cheap popularity should not be the only qualification for any one,not only to enter politics,but that too of Lok Sabha,which means becoming an active part of the government!

Leave alone the appointment for an executive,or a manager or a professor,which are high and strict,there are stringent minimum qualifications required even for peons and sweepers! Then why cant the Election Commission lay down some basic minimal educational and experience requirement to contest for a Lok Sabha seat.The pathetic scenario reminds me of a true incident.A freshly appointed,such a minister,tasked his secretary on his first day,to find a suitable job,for his eight standard failed,nephew.After a month and several reminders,he admonished his secretary with threats of firing him,for not complying with his instructions ! The Secretary humbly ,relied"Sir,the only job,for which he qualifies,in our Department,is your chair!! Its a real shame that the world's one of the largest and powerful Democracy,has reached such a pitiable state.

Giving tickets, to Sanjay Dutt and many such,undeserving ,unqualified,in famous and anonymous candidates in the name of democracy, is the biggest insult and mockery of democracy,and it we the citizens of our dear country who have to exercise out right to vote,to keep such people away from politics and to choose whom we want to govern us !

Col S Kapoor VSM

GAY MOVEMENT IN INDIA

Long way to go !!!!!!!!!!!

Its a bit too early to celebrate the cause of gays and lesbians in attaining an identity in India.
The recent Gay Parades held at Delhi and Mumbai,in quicksuccesion,were successful ,but not as it was expected

It had more of fanfare than the cause,and this is the fear for such events in future too.
The cause of creating an awareness about the rights of gays,should not get diluted by the glamour show !
The battle should not become more important than the goal !!
The Gay parade should not become carnivals and above all the darkness around the gays should not get overshadowed by the presence of glitterati!!!!

The biggest surprise is to see that Homosexuals(gays) and transsexuals(Hijras) are clubbed together as MSM(men having sex with men) but the fact is that these two are two separate groups and have different problems.While the homosexuals need just an identity to their sexuality,the transsexuals needs an identity to their every existence!

Hijras are physically and anatomically different,and have no alternative but to have sex with men,and most get into the flesh trade,out of desperation,to earn a living.Their problem is an identity and they have to be brought to the main stream line,with opportunities for education and jobs and above all inclusion in the society as common citizen,with ration cards,voters identity etc.Its high time the application forms for everything ,has three squares under the sex column,M/F/T

The homosexuals on the other hand are fightening for an identity and acceptance of their sexuality,but the sexuality of a person cannot be his only identity.Gays are present everywhere,be it Delhi,Kolkuta,Mumbai or any place of the country,and are found in all strata of the society somewhere hidden and somewhere exposed.Homosexuals are seen in all spheres of life now,in colleges and at work,and many of them are doing very well in their fields of work,and are recognized well,nationally and even internationally.What they are fighting for,is the law to accept their sexuality as legal.

In spite of the recent encouraging remarks towards this,from the health minister,this may be a distant dream,and actually it is not the first but the last step in the battle of gays for their struggle for a receptacle existence

The aim should not just be of unmasking the sexuality,but to achieve acceptance.
The violent reactions to gay movements and activities ,may have decreased or even ceased but these are no indicators to their social acceptance.

It is the families and society which has to accept them.They have to realize that these are just variants of sexuality,and not perversions ,and in majority of cases ,the attitude is genetically decided,and is well beyond the control of the individual.
and above all it is the gays who have to accept themselves,and come forward to live their lives at their terms,as any other responsible citizen of the country,rather than making their sexuality as their identity and the main bone of contention

S Kapoor Lucknow

KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF

KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF

Knowing yourself is the initial mandatory requirement,rather than loving oneself,before you love another
To love self or to love someone else,it is essential that one knows oneself well, The knowledge of our strengths,our weaknesses,our capability of adjustments,sharing, cooperation and our ability to accept the others is the basic reqirement to start any relationship, We must know the expectations we have,if any ,in that relationship and our limitations to go into a relationship with someone supirior or less privelaged than us,without getting complexed
For this interoception and spending time with oneself,analysing ones own views is a must. Loving oneself can follow but only after we know ourselves well and this should be done cautiously,Loving oneself without knowing self can be dangerous.Once we start loving ourselves then it becomes difficult to adjust in most relationships. We are then a bit difficult to accept veiws of others and even healthy critisism
Men are definately as emotional as women,if not more,and they should not hesitate in expressing it,Provided the expressed emotions are genuine, Fake emotions lead to fake relationships.Even fake and halfhearted acceptances and patchups can be dangerous for any relationship.Anger though a common emotion,should not be the only one to be expressed to show possevenesss or hurt
Know yourself,know the other and then get into a relationship. love will automatically follow, But let knowing self and other be a continuos process,Age,time circumstances and comitments keep changing every indivisual,and accepting these is essential for continuation of any healthy relationship
Sanjay Kapoor

BREATHING SPACE

Commitment doesnt mean surrendering personalities
each of us are unique and have the right to live lives our way,within the norms of society and without depriving others of their rights or hurting dear and near ones
being differant does not mean being indifferant
we can luv each other without aping the person we luv
we need our breathing space
Sometimes we feel relationships are all about supporting each other in times of need. That's what friends and family are for, we think.But there are times when we go overboard in our expectations. We expect their lives to hinge on our feelings and opinions.For instance, you've been ill for a while now. Is it fair to expect your family and friends to do little other than rally around you? Would you deem it disloyal if they also had a life of their own? If they did enjoy an outing, a get together would you think badly of them? Your friend has done you a grave injustice. And obviously the relationship between you both has suffered. Would you expect your mutual friends to pick up cudgels on your behalf? And have nothing to do your erstwhile friend? Or worse, fight on your behalf?It is important to remember that every person is an individual in his or her own right and is entitled to an opinion.The best way to have a lasting relationship with anyone is to be realistic in your expectations. Be it your buddy, brother or betrothed, your sister, your spouse or your parents, every one of them is entitled to make a decision that might be different from your assessment of the situation.But it is important that you do not pass judgement harshly on them. Accept people the way they are. They have to lead their own lives. And, remember, you might well do the same in their place.Your enemy's friend is not your enemy. People who feel good when you feel bad are not villains. People aren't indifferent because they think different.Your relationships will thrive a lot better if only youlearn to live and let live.
sanjay

LOVE

LOVE
Love may be undefined but it is thee supreme emotion
Its definition may wary from person to person and from time to time but it has remained the final destination of all relationships
Love is togetherness,companionship,freindship,acceptance,tolerance,adjustment and commitment.
Love is the best thing that can happen to a person,an experience which is sublime and eternal.
Love is beyond age,gender,class,religion or creed. It is beyond the manmade social and geographic boundaries
Love is a state where the mere thought of the loved one brings emmence pleasure
Love is complete in itself and needs no rules or promises
Love is erotic,sexy , orgasmic and the ultimate source of everlasting happiness
Love is life