Changing emotions
Emotions in relationships, are undergoing an obvious change these days, with a sense of casualness creeping in, specially in some women, who think that they should treat men as they are , carefree, unreliable and unemotional, a reputation that they have unluckily had since eternity!
The women who get into these temporary relations, where they use men and company as a post-dinner commodity, to be used and discarded are confused and insecure. In their new Avtaar of liberated women, they really don’t know what they want from a relation or from a man, they are doing this just for the heck of it and there is nothing emotional about it.
The emotions of a man have always been misunderstood. Men are as emotional as women if not more but definitely more judicious about its use, they neither go bonkers in expressing it nor do they waste it on every Kate, Keith or Mary. Men have always been subtle in expressing their emotions and stingy about its use. It is available only after he is convinced that the steady or the wife is for keeps. Men are never emotionally available for these one-night -stands.
The present trend of short-lived and disposable attitude can never create an emotional bonding and is highly harmful for future permanent relationships
No offenses to any of the ladies and Hope I am not labeled a MCP !
Sanjay Kapoor
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
ROLE OF A DAD
DADDY -O-DADDY !
It is heartening to see that a day has been earmarked for dads as well,as Fathers day,as there is a Mothers Day !
The role of a father in a child's life has gone a revolutionary change in the last two decades or so,and has almost broken the water tight compartmentalization,that existed between the roles of mom and dad !
But be it his previous role,or the new avtaar,one person and relation,that has been the biggest victim of the gender bias,has been the Father !And this has come down since eternity,in mythology,literature,stories and poetry.Even Bollywood has not been left behind in this discrimination,as while there are innumerable movies and songs on Ma ki mamta,there are hardly any on Pita ka pyaar !
Without undermining the importance and significance of the role of a mom in the life of a child,I would only like to say that a fathers contribution,is no less ,if not more
Fathers not only take paternity leave to take care of the infant,but they attend prenatal clinics and training,change and wash diapers,take night cry-calls alternating with the mom,boilbottles and prepare feeds,bathe the child,iron uniform,fix tiffins,attend PTAs and other school activities,help with school projects and much more.Besides being a great friend, philosopher and guide,he can be a sports instructer for the son,and a hero for the daughter
While the mom takes care of the home,dad provides the house.
While she teaches us our manners,,he takes care of education
While she inculcates moral values within us,he develops a social status and standing for us in the family and the world
While the mom builds our character,the dad contributes significantly in creating our personality
While she provides the gentle care to our lives,he is the strong anchor that prevents us from driftng astray
The mother may be able to play the role of father too,in adversity,but if needed Dad can swap roles too,and shoulder the dual responsibility of mom and dad,beautifully.
Even the emotions of the father have been generally and usually,presented half heartedly.Mom may be soft,caring and gentle.but dad is equally concerned,loving and emotional.
The father may appear unconcerned,detached and disinterested and may not give adequate time to the child,but his silent,backstage contribution is irreplaceable.
While the mother keeps a track of his or her smiles and milestones,he keeps a silent vigil on his outdoor activities.A single ill-logical No, or an encouraging Yes,once in a life,may be as significant as the daily hundreds of hugs and kisses from the mom,and may help us to take the biggest decision of our lives.
The mom takes pride in every star that the child gets in class or the medals and cups won,but the real happiness that the father gets is when the daughter finds her life partner and the son steals his best shirt or shoes for a secret date,or beats him in a game or a car race
The kid recognizes the contribution of the father,when he or she gets the first pay,or hold their child in their arms.
Thoughts that cross a childs mind for the father at various ages may be like this
1-5 years-someone for rowdy tricks and pillow fights
5-10-years-Perennial Santa Clause and someone for horse riding and piggy back rides
10-15 years-The sports instructor
15-20 years-My dad knows everything,can do everything,can never do any thing wrong and is the Hero and the Best!
20-25 years-why cant he understand me.? Its so difficult to have peace with him
25-30 years- it is so difficult to find a job and earn money
30-35 years-wonder how dad ran the house and gave us all we wanted
40-45 years-it is so tough to bring up kids
45-50 years-he is getting old and needs my care and time
after 50-Its killing to see Dad age,May he never leave me !
This day has a double importance for me and I say this not as a Father,but as a Son,since I am a son of an aging dad and father of two grown up daughters
My Sunday coffee is made by my 80 year old dad at Lucknow,and by my daughters at Delhi and is something for which i wait for the whole week and I can skip all the meals of the week for that ritualistic coffee.
May God grant me the strength,time,patience,gentleness and concern,with which dad brought me up,and what I need now to help him to eat,dress-up and walk,and be able to father him as a kid,when he needs my hands to help him walk
Long live all Dads
Sanjay,Lucknow
It is heartening to see that a day has been earmarked for dads as well,as Fathers day,as there is a Mothers Day !
The role of a father in a child's life has gone a revolutionary change in the last two decades or so,and has almost broken the water tight compartmentalization,that existed between the roles of mom and dad !
But be it his previous role,or the new avtaar,one person and relation,that has been the biggest victim of the gender bias,has been the Father !And this has come down since eternity,in mythology,literature,stories and poetry.Even Bollywood has not been left behind in this discrimination,as while there are innumerable movies and songs on Ma ki mamta,there are hardly any on Pita ka pyaar !
Without undermining the importance and significance of the role of a mom in the life of a child,I would only like to say that a fathers contribution,is no less ,if not more
Fathers not only take paternity leave to take care of the infant,but they attend prenatal clinics and training,change and wash diapers,take night cry-calls alternating with the mom,boilbottles and prepare feeds,bathe the child,iron uniform,fix tiffins,attend PTAs and other school activities,help with school projects and much more.Besides being a great friend, philosopher and guide,he can be a sports instructer for the son,and a hero for the daughter
While the mom takes care of the home,dad provides the house.
While she teaches us our manners,,he takes care of education
While she inculcates moral values within us,he develops a social status and standing for us in the family and the world
While the mom builds our character,the dad contributes significantly in creating our personality
While she provides the gentle care to our lives,he is the strong anchor that prevents us from driftng astray
The mother may be able to play the role of father too,in adversity,but if needed Dad can swap roles too,and shoulder the dual responsibility of mom and dad,beautifully.
Even the emotions of the father have been generally and usually,presented half heartedly.Mom may be soft,caring and gentle.but dad is equally concerned,loving and emotional.
The father may appear unconcerned,detached and disinterested and may not give adequate time to the child,but his silent,backstage contribution is irreplaceable.
While the mother keeps a track of his or her smiles and milestones,he keeps a silent vigil on his outdoor activities.A single ill-logical No, or an encouraging Yes,once in a life,may be as significant as the daily hundreds of hugs and kisses from the mom,and may help us to take the biggest decision of our lives.
The mom takes pride in every star that the child gets in class or the medals and cups won,but the real happiness that the father gets is when the daughter finds her life partner and the son steals his best shirt or shoes for a secret date,or beats him in a game or a car race
The kid recognizes the contribution of the father,when he or she gets the first pay,or hold their child in their arms.
Thoughts that cross a childs mind for the father at various ages may be like this
1-5 years-someone for rowdy tricks and pillow fights
5-10-years-Perennial Santa Clause and someone for horse riding and piggy back rides
10-15 years-The sports instructor
15-20 years-My dad knows everything,can do everything,can never do any thing wrong and is the Hero and the Best!
20-25 years-why cant he understand me.? Its so difficult to have peace with him
25-30 years- it is so difficult to find a job and earn money
30-35 years-wonder how dad ran the house and gave us all we wanted
40-45 years-it is so tough to bring up kids
45-50 years-he is getting old and needs my care and time
after 50-Its killing to see Dad age,May he never leave me !
This day has a double importance for me and I say this not as a Father,but as a Son,since I am a son of an aging dad and father of two grown up daughters
My Sunday coffee is made by my 80 year old dad at Lucknow,and by my daughters at Delhi and is something for which i wait for the whole week and I can skip all the meals of the week for that ritualistic coffee.
May God grant me the strength,time,patience,gentleness and concern,with which dad brought me up,and what I need now to help him to eat,dress-up and walk,and be able to father him as a kid,when he needs my hands to help him walk
Long live all Dads
Sanjay,Lucknow
Retirement Letter fRom A surgeon !
When is a surgeon's sell by date, and what is the shelf life of a
surgeon? Surgeons young and old should merely look around them; theyoung to make mental notes about what to do [and not do] when they areolder, and older surgeons should do so as a reality or insight check.I made mental notes about teaching about 25 years ago. I overheard agroup of students referring to our famous, emeritus, retired, renownteacher who had stayed on: "There was this funny little old guy withround glasses who burbled about hernias." It had something of MariaCallas returning to the Royal Festival Hall after a long absence, andhalf the audience walking out on hearing the cracked voice, or thereappearance of an ancient rocker with an exuberant wig, and guitar. Ialso remember noting when I was a trainee that the very old surgeonssecretly felt, and sometimes said, that radical mastectomy was theonly proper operation. In the same spirit some may feel thatlaparotomy is the only real operation and not laparoscopy. Anothermarker of age, and perhaps a nudge to retirement is when the olderspeaker gravely announces that there is nothing to beat a good historyand physical examination, and all this endoscopy, spiral CT and MRIstuff is nonsense. Thats another nudge to retirement. Go, my friend.Operating is brutal and unforgiving. I saw this and migrated fromvascular to oncology in my thirties, realising that I would not do, orwant to do, a ruptured or dissecting aneurysm at 2am when I was older.Those that did, including some American vascular VIP's I knew,disappeared down the neck of whiskey bottles. Manipulative skillsdeteriorate with time. Less often do you pull off your gloves and saythat that was a perfect thyroidectomy or adrenalectomy. The surgerybecomes coarser. A famous academic went into private practice onretiring at 65, did a Whipple, which took 12 hours, and made him liedown on the OR floor drenched in sweat, and was his operatingswansong. Surgery is like professional sport, with a limited [but ofcourse longer] life, and a short time in the sun. In your late fortiesyou become aware of the young pack at your heels, slick and quick inthe OR. They are arrogant and unforgiving and condescending. Just likeyou were.Should you just go on operating until you kill someone, or killyourself? If you believe that surgery is all there is in the world youare living in blinkered pathos. You have missed out, and will miss outon the pleasures and satisfactions our limited life has to offer. Bythe time you are in your sixties, you should have made and investedenough money from unnecessary cholecystectomies to retire. Osler said:"Study until twenty five, investigate until forty, profession untilsixty, at which age I would have him retired on a double allowance."We cant have that luxury. Pilots used to have compulsory retirementat 60, and this was extended five years ago to 65. The pilot's deathin the plane from Brussels to the USA in the last 24 hours may makethem want to rethink that.If you are very lucky - and perhaps wise - you can have a period oftransition into retirement. Perhaps administration and no surgery,perhaps less and a lesser type of surgery, perhaps no night call. Themost important thing is to think about it, and to plan it. Most can'tdo either._._,_.___
surgeon? Surgeons young and old should merely look around them; theyoung to make mental notes about what to do [and not do] when they areolder, and older surgeons should do so as a reality or insight check.I made mental notes about teaching about 25 years ago. I overheard agroup of students referring to our famous, emeritus, retired, renownteacher who had stayed on: "There was this funny little old guy withround glasses who burbled about hernias." It had something of MariaCallas returning to the Royal Festival Hall after a long absence, andhalf the audience walking out on hearing the cracked voice, or thereappearance of an ancient rocker with an exuberant wig, and guitar. Ialso remember noting when I was a trainee that the very old surgeonssecretly felt, and sometimes said, that radical mastectomy was theonly proper operation. In the same spirit some may feel thatlaparotomy is the only real operation and not laparoscopy. Anothermarker of age, and perhaps a nudge to retirement is when the olderspeaker gravely announces that there is nothing to beat a good historyand physical examination, and all this endoscopy, spiral CT and MRIstuff is nonsense. Thats another nudge to retirement. Go, my friend.Operating is brutal and unforgiving. I saw this and migrated fromvascular to oncology in my thirties, realising that I would not do, orwant to do, a ruptured or dissecting aneurysm at 2am when I was older.Those that did, including some American vascular VIP's I knew,disappeared down the neck of whiskey bottles. Manipulative skillsdeteriorate with time. Less often do you pull off your gloves and saythat that was a perfect thyroidectomy or adrenalectomy. The surgerybecomes coarser. A famous academic went into private practice onretiring at 65, did a Whipple, which took 12 hours, and made him liedown on the OR floor drenched in sweat, and was his operatingswansong. Surgery is like professional sport, with a limited [but ofcourse longer] life, and a short time in the sun. In your late fortiesyou become aware of the young pack at your heels, slick and quick inthe OR. They are arrogant and unforgiving and condescending. Just likeyou were.Should you just go on operating until you kill someone, or killyourself? If you believe that surgery is all there is in the world youare living in blinkered pathos. You have missed out, and will miss outon the pleasures and satisfactions our limited life has to offer. Bythe time you are in your sixties, you should have made and investedenough money from unnecessary cholecystectomies to retire. Osler said:"Study until twenty five, investigate until forty, profession untilsixty, at which age I would have him retired on a double allowance."We cant have that luxury. Pilots used to have compulsory retirementat 60, and this was extended five years ago to 65. The pilot's deathin the plane from Brussels to the USA in the last 24 hours may makethem want to rethink that.If you are very lucky - and perhaps wise - you can have a period oftransition into retirement. Perhaps administration and no surgery,perhaps less and a lesser type of surgery, perhaps no night call. Themost important thing is to think about it, and to plan it. Most can'tdo either._._,_.___
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