>ARUSHI MURDER CASE--------------HONOUR KILLING !!!!!!!!!<
Honour Killing is the latest fade in India and almost tops the list of existing social evils. After the so called encounter deaths, Honour Killings are the in-thing. Indians are very good at picking up and emulating bad things and that is exactly what has been happening in the last few years
Honour killing is a death punishment given to someone by the family of the local panchayat or villagers for bringing shame to the family, clan or the village. It was earlier being used as a local punishment for someone who was a serial crimnal, a thief, a conspirater, a rapist or a murderer. But gradually its significance got diluted and it is being used for trivial crimes like eve teasing,wearing western clothes, girls mingling with boys, love affairs, love between children of lower and upper castes,inter caste or intra gotra marraiges, marraiages within the family in outside muslims, premarital sex, getting pregnant before marriage .These were always considered bad but the maximum punishment for these to those concerned and their families was out casting actual or virtual (hukka –pani band hona) and payment of some fine in form of money or a feast to the whole village.
Some where someone killed the accused, intensionaly or unintentionaly, and it gave way to the introduction of this most gruesome form of punishment .Its popularity has spread like fire, and now almost daily you hear about atlaest one or two such deaths. Many have happened, right under the nose of the police and in the knowledge of the guardians of law and order. It is even more disgusting to see that it is not only the villagers but often the family, including the parents are party to it. It is also being mis used as encounter deaths have been exploited in the past. On many occasions, deaths under shady circumstances are being given the name of honour killing and on the other side, well planned homicides to take revenge or to set even some past rivalry, and are being presented as honour killing too.
To my small brains,Arushi murder case looks like honour killing too. The case has been lingering since long and has again come to light, after its recent closure and immediate reopening, with parents being the prime suspects. Both the parents of Arushi were involved in some form of unwanted activities which may be extra marital affair, group sex or even wife swapping. In their busy professional schedule and the other activities, there was little time they could devote to Arushi, who was mostly alone at home with the servant. In this scenario she probably found a listener in the servant who later became a friend. She and probably even the servant were aware of the nefarious activities of the parents. And the parents knew about this and use to lock Arushi’s room at night, though she could open it. In these circumstances what I think that would have happened on that fateful night may have been as follows
Arushi would have let the servant in the room, and on whatever pretext, they had sex.the parents heard the noise and entered the room. Seeing what was happening or had happened, the father killed the servant in rage, instantaneuosly with a golf stick. When Arushi would have reacted to it, and when her parents confronted her, she would have brought forth their activities. This would have angered the father more and in his rage, fear, embarrasment and reaction to Arushi’s indulgence with the servant, he killed her too and then tried to cover up the case and destroy all evidence
Weather it was an Honour killing or not, time and law alone will tell, but this case and the presently prevalent honor killings are inter related and point fingers towards parents. Parents need to be more serious about parenting and careful about the upbringing of the child and try to ensure that no such unwarranted incident happens that may precipice the need of a judgment or punishment which may be as cruel as death. And when judging the children, teenagers or younsters,th elders and specially the family members and parents should at least once think, of what they are going to do. Parents give life, don’t take it and hence the very idea of them being party to the killing of their child or even being a silent observer is so repulsively oxymoronish.The other day, I stopped watching my favorite TV serial, when someone in it, hit his grown up daughter and so I and probably every normal loving parent would condemn this and put in all their endeavors to stop this social evil that is bringing disgrace in name of honour
Col ( Prof ) Sanjay Kapoor
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
PSYCHOLOGY OR MARITAL LOVE
During a seminar, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind..
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens)
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage..
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.
Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because .. listen carefully to this
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by CHOICE.”
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind..
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens)
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage..
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.
Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because .. listen carefully to this
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by CHOICE.”
PRE TEENAGE SEX
Pre Teenage Sex -Is official now !!!!!!!!
I am not a very avid newspaper reader, but do go through the first and Editorial pages and that too in the afternoon.How ever I do glance through the headlines, as I gulp down my morning milk shake every day. Today I almost choked over it, when I read that in Chennai the state has submitted a bill to legalize sex at the age of 12.
Even me, who considers himself very open minded and who dares to discuss the unspoken, in all forums, was really shocked. I have always supported sex education, by the right person, in phased manner, at right time to right extent, but this is something I could never imagine in my wildest of dreams. While we are still talking about infidility, premarital sex, teenage sexcapades and virginty, here we have our legislature considering to legalize sex at the preteen age of 12 ! At any other time I would have use Kid or Child for someone 12 years, but talking In terms of sex at this age, calling them kids would be ridiculously oxymoronish.
The proposal is to legalize non penetrative sex between two consenting person of age 12 and above, with a difference of two years and this difference can be three years if the concerned are 14 years and above. What is surprising is the fact that this has been initiated by the ministry of Women and Child Health and that to with an intended motive of decriminalization of sexual exploration by kids. Even in the most advanced countries this age is 16.I agree, that children are attaining sexual maturity at an early age and are even aware of sexual issues, but giving them the freedom to indulge in sex at such an early stage, is sheer madness. The ministry seems to have absolved its responsibility and seems to be less challenged, by adding the rider of non penetrative sex.but wonder how they will define this. The memory of Delhi DPS MMS scandal is still fresh in our minds and if non penetrative sex was not sex enough, then Bill and Monika would not have achieved the global fame or notoriety that they did.
In a country where sex-education has still not become the part of curriculam, where parents hesitate to talk about sex, even with grown up children, where the discussion of sex is considered bold and avoidable, where even married couples, rarely hold hands or hug in public, where many couples, never talk about sex, where even after legalization gay couples have not attained social acceptance, and where many of my friends may not even approve of me writing this and circulating it in public,we plan to legalize sex, even if with restrictions, is a ridiculous thought. Like the mile stones of developement, the ministry should now also lay down milestones for social activities, to include, consensual non penetrative sex with someone two years older, same with someone three years older, penetrative sex with a partner of any age difference, age to vote, age to get married, age to get a government job and age to be fit to consume alcohol. A child who can travel with half ticket on buses, trains and probably even flights, who pays half at buffet meals, who is charged half in hotel occupancy, who actually still roams around in knickers will now have the right to indulge in fair amount of sexual activities, even if not all. Wonder who will do the sexual policing now, to control the ages of the concerned partners and regulate the extent of their sexual indulgence. The Oxford Dictionary too, should remove the words like kids and children and prohibit the use of tender and innocent s adjectives before them.
Wonder what the ministry wants to prove or attain by this .Is it aping the west, and going ahead of them and trying to exhibit a sign of advancement and create a facade of modernity and broad mindedness? If sense prevails, the bill will never be passed as it is, but will do a great amount of damage, just by its suggestion and consideration. Those, of this age, who did not even think of sexual indulgence, will definitely give it a thought and maybe even a try, thinking that it may be the correct thing if the law was trying to support it. The very act of framing such a bill is deplorable, and people concerned have behaved in the most irresponsible manner, not befitting the authority trusted upon them. We can rest assured that not even one percent of those indulging in such sex,will ever get married to each other and hence with one blow, this law will remove all the taboos attached to the so called sex related social evils, like experimental sex, teenage sex, premarital sex and subsequently extramarital sex and infidility.
Vatsayan would be thrilled in his grave, that his Kama sutra shall now become the text book for class seventh and he has finally succeed in making the country a free sex land sans all moralities !
Sanjay Kapoor ,Lucknow
I am not a very avid newspaper reader, but do go through the first and Editorial pages and that too in the afternoon.How ever I do glance through the headlines, as I gulp down my morning milk shake every day. Today I almost choked over it, when I read that in Chennai the state has submitted a bill to legalize sex at the age of 12.
Even me, who considers himself very open minded and who dares to discuss the unspoken, in all forums, was really shocked. I have always supported sex education, by the right person, in phased manner, at right time to right extent, but this is something I could never imagine in my wildest of dreams. While we are still talking about infidility, premarital sex, teenage sexcapades and virginty, here we have our legislature considering to legalize sex at the preteen age of 12 ! At any other time I would have use Kid or Child for someone 12 years, but talking In terms of sex at this age, calling them kids would be ridiculously oxymoronish.
The proposal is to legalize non penetrative sex between two consenting person of age 12 and above, with a difference of two years and this difference can be three years if the concerned are 14 years and above. What is surprising is the fact that this has been initiated by the ministry of Women and Child Health and that to with an intended motive of decriminalization of sexual exploration by kids. Even in the most advanced countries this age is 16.I agree, that children are attaining sexual maturity at an early age and are even aware of sexual issues, but giving them the freedom to indulge in sex at such an early stage, is sheer madness. The ministry seems to have absolved its responsibility and seems to be less challenged, by adding the rider of non penetrative sex.but wonder how they will define this. The memory of Delhi DPS MMS scandal is still fresh in our minds and if non penetrative sex was not sex enough, then Bill and Monika would not have achieved the global fame or notoriety that they did.
In a country where sex-education has still not become the part of curriculam, where parents hesitate to talk about sex, even with grown up children, where the discussion of sex is considered bold and avoidable, where even married couples, rarely hold hands or hug in public, where many couples, never talk about sex, where even after legalization gay couples have not attained social acceptance, and where many of my friends may not even approve of me writing this and circulating it in public,we plan to legalize sex, even if with restrictions, is a ridiculous thought. Like the mile stones of developement, the ministry should now also lay down milestones for social activities, to include, consensual non penetrative sex with someone two years older, same with someone three years older, penetrative sex with a partner of any age difference, age to vote, age to get married, age to get a government job and age to be fit to consume alcohol. A child who can travel with half ticket on buses, trains and probably even flights, who pays half at buffet meals, who is charged half in hotel occupancy, who actually still roams around in knickers will now have the right to indulge in fair amount of sexual activities, even if not all. Wonder who will do the sexual policing now, to control the ages of the concerned partners and regulate the extent of their sexual indulgence. The Oxford Dictionary too, should remove the words like kids and children and prohibit the use of tender and innocent s adjectives before them.
Wonder what the ministry wants to prove or attain by this .Is it aping the west, and going ahead of them and trying to exhibit a sign of advancement and create a facade of modernity and broad mindedness? If sense prevails, the bill will never be passed as it is, but will do a great amount of damage, just by its suggestion and consideration. Those, of this age, who did not even think of sexual indulgence, will definitely give it a thought and maybe even a try, thinking that it may be the correct thing if the law was trying to support it. The very act of framing such a bill is deplorable, and people concerned have behaved in the most irresponsible manner, not befitting the authority trusted upon them. We can rest assured that not even one percent of those indulging in such sex,will ever get married to each other and hence with one blow, this law will remove all the taboos attached to the so called sex related social evils, like experimental sex, teenage sex, premarital sex and subsequently extramarital sex and infidility.
Vatsayan would be thrilled in his grave, that his Kama sutra shall now become the text book for class seventh and he has finally succeed in making the country a free sex land sans all moralities !
Sanjay Kapoor ,Lucknow
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